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Q&A with Dr. Meg Meeker, author of The 10 Habits of Happy Moms

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I’m so grateful to Dr. Meg Meeker, author of May’s featured book, The 10 Habits of Happy Moms, for so promptly answering my questions for this interview so this could be a Mother’s Day weekend treat for Catholic Post Book Group readers.   To all mothers and those who have mothers, have a blessed and terrific Mother’s Day!

Q.  First, thanks for a great book!  I found it encouraging and challenging in a great combination.  How did you get the tone “just right?”
I’ve listened to literally thousands of mothers over the years, so I think that I have my hand on the pulse of their struggles. Additionally, I’m a mother of four children myself and I understand where many stressed, worried mothers are coming from.
Q.  Of all the 10 Habits, which one would you say is the most important for Moms, and why?
I consider faith to be the most important habit. Why do I feel this way? Because I believe that if we keep our eyes focused on God, our hearts aligned with his and our wills in concert with the work that He has for us each day, the rest of our lives all fall into place. Life for us mothers works better with God at the center and the rest of the habits follow quite naturally. For instance, when we feel closer to God, we compete less with other mothers, we live out of strength rather than fear and we have an easier time simplifying our lives because we live with different priorities.
Q.  You don’t shy away from encouraging moms to embrace faith and make it central in their lives.  Can you share how your Catholic faith informs your work?
Catholicism has taught me that not only is God holy, He is extraordinarily loving and kind.  I feel that the intense love that God has poured into my life has prompted me to do the work that I do. I am a mother and a pediatrician, and importantly, I feel that my Christian faith calls me to spread God’s truth and love to those who are struggling and hurting- mothers across America. My work is really my mission. Many people feel that mission work occurs everywhere else, but to me, the most important work that I can do is to encourage and help strengthen families in America.
 Q. Of the 10 Habits, which one do you personally find most challenging? 
The truth is, I want to practice every habit, but at different times in my life, each has been hard. Specifically, I struggle most with knowing my value as a mother. My children are older now and tell me that I have been a good mother, but I always want to do better. Being a Mom has always been my top priority and I think that wanting to be better (even when our kids are grown and gone) never leaves us. And we mothers struggle constantly with having a positive and healthy sense of our worth. Perhaps it’s just part of the human condition.
Q.  Do you find that moms are better at one than another?   How does a mom get “good” at all of them, or is it even possible (or desirable)? 
The purpose of the habits really isn’t meant to make mothers feel that they have to be good at one more thing; rather, they are meant to help mothers find deep satisfaction in their lives. Some habits feel more natural to some mothers than to others. For instance, mothers who are introverts will love spending more time in solitude, whereas mothers who gravitate toward being extroverts, will find nurturing friendships with women easier.

My intention in outlining the habits is to help mothers take small “bites” of each. All ten habits, if practiced regularly, really will help mothers enjoy life more. But, even if a mother tries one or two, she will find relief from the stresses which make her feel that she is ready to topple over the edge.
Q.   Your first three books were about kids.  What made you turn to moms for this book? 
I have realized one truth as a pediatrician. If mothers are healthy, happy and strong, then I don’t have to worry about the kids. Really, The old adage, “If Mom ain’t happy, then no one’s happy” is very true. I felt that If I could address the issues that are pulling mothers down and help them enjoy life more, that it would have a profoundly positive impact on their families.
Q.  To me, the common thread in your 3 previous books about kids is about connecting with them and the importance of parents in the lives of children.  Could you share a little bit of why connection is so important?  How do think “connection” relates to your book for moms?
I stress connecting with our children for several reasons. First, research shows that parents who have solid, strong relationships with their kids raise children that are much less likely to get into trouble and much healthier psychologically. Second, we’re moving farther away from connecting with our kids. Our relationships are getting splintered and mothers and fathers aren’t spending enough time with our kids. We just aren’t. Electronics get in the way. Sports events divide families. We have been duped into believing that our kids benefit more from being in dance, music lessons or any number of sports than they do by spending time with us. They need more of us and less stuff to do. Finally, I think that disciplining ourselves to work harder at relating to our kids in healthy ways is just plain hard. We need encouragement and reminders.
Q.  How are you able to write books at the same time that you practice pediatrics actively?
When I’m actively writing or book touring, I cut back on my hours in the office. I can do this, because I am a senior partner (with my husband) and can control my hours.
Q.   What’s your next book or project?
Next year, Random House will release a book that I am starting on Mothers and Sons.

One Book for Mom, and Three for Mary

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“If every mother in the United States could wrap her mind around her true value as a woman and mother, her life would never be the same.”
So begins the first chapter of The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity by Dr. Meg Meeker.  The Catholic pediatrician and author has also written the popular and practical books Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters and Let Boys Be Boys.   Her newest book is both a deeply refreshing and comforting read for moms who feel stretched by the demands of life.  And what mom doesn’t feel that way, at least occasionally?
10 Habits of Happy Mothers is not about completing a list of items, but truly basking in a sense of the enormous worth of a mom and a woman.   Yes, each chapter ends with three or four practical “ways to make the habit stick” but those are not so much to-dos as a call for a mom to reflect and challenge herself to think, and then act, differently, a little at a time.
Meeker is candid with her own struggles in some of these areas, like Habit 4, “Say No to Competition.”   It’s really about progress, not perfection, in any of the areas, Meeker attests through stories of her own and others’ lives.
I tend to be a do-er, so reading a book with a title like 10 Habits would normally make me want to tackle every area at once to revamp my life, then burn out and hate the book.  Meeker’s style is so relaxed and, well, friendly, I soaked up her themes and stories.  Instead of feeling guilty I wasn’t implementing the entire book, I found myself almost unconsciously following ideas.  A few days ago, I found myself practicing Habit #2, “Maintain Key Friendships,” when I neglected finishing this column to agree to an impromptu meal and laugh-fest with a group of moms I’ve known and loved for years.  Yes, it made my time more crunched, but it also gave me joy and connection when I didn’t realize how much I needed both.
Thanks to Dr. Meg Meeker for this radically encouraging and delightful read, a springtime breath of fresh air for moms.
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What better month than May—Mary’s month– to pick up and enjoy one of the great books about Our Lady.  Three newer releases on Marian themes provide readers a range of reads, from light to challenging, that both inform and inspire:
*Through the Year with Mary: 365 Reflections by author and blogger Karen Edmisten, is year-long compendium of quotes about the Blessed Virgin Mary, from saints and other writers over the span of Christian history.  Each quote ends with a short, grace-filled reflection/prayer that allows readers to reflect, daily on Mary’s influence in life and the world.
*Dominican Fr. John Peter Cameron is known best for his work as founding editor of Magnificat magazine, a monthly that is so much more than a missal.  His latest book, Mysteries of the Virgin Mary: Living our Lady’s Graces, reflects that rich, thoughtful style for feasts devoted to Our Lady.  Each chapter provides history, theology and devotion of a particular Marian feast. This would be a great book to open on each feast and read more about its genesis, and at the same time deepen one’s love for Mary and her Son.
*Fatima for Today:  The Urgent Marian Message of Hope by Fr. Andrew Apostoli, C.F.R., is a thorough, but not overwhelming, consideration of three elements of Fatima: its history, its message, and controversies related to it.   Fr. Apostoli’s writing style, warm and engaging, is always easy to read; it’s put to good use here to teach and inspire about Our Lady’s appearance to 3 children in Fatima, Portugal early in the 20th century.   Since I’m fairly new to all things Fatima, I found especially helpful Fr. Apostoli’s even-handed treatment of objections to the release of the “third secret” and other controversies. 

First, What are You Reading? Volume 9, May 2011

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Well, after my failed attempt last month at giving up reading, here are my answers to the four questions I ask on the first of each month:
first, what are you reading?
what do you like best about it?
what do you like least?
what’s next on your list/pile to read? 


As always, I hope you’ll consider your current reads on your blog and/or sharing here in the comments or on Facebook.  Happy reading!


First, what are you reading?


I have just finished The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton, on the recommendation of a great friend and fellow book-lover.  I’m so grateful for this recommendation, because it’s not often that I find a newer, satisfying, well-crafted novel written for adults that is haunting in a good way.  From the Amazon description:  


Like Frances Hodgson Burnett’s beloved classic The Secret Garden, Kate Morton’s The Forgotten Garden takes root in your imagination and grows into something enchanting–from a little girl with no memories left alone on a ship to Australia, to a fog-soaked London river bend where orphans comfort themselves with stories of Jack the Ripper, to a Cornish sea heaving against wind-whipped cliffs, crowned by an airless manor house where an overgrown hedge maze ends in the walled garden of a cottage left to rot.


I’m also well into the final Ranger’s Apprentice book, The Emporer of Nihon-Ja, but I’m not rushing it since it’s the last in the series.


Finally, I’ve been re-reading a lot of John Paul II’s poetry.  I have an early edition of Easter Vigil that I vividly remember buying at a used book store in Milwaukee, WI in the early 1990s (does anyone else do that with certain books?).    I also have been paging through my seen-better-days copy of The Place Within, as well as Roman Triptych.  I’ve been sharing a few of these poems here and here.


What do you like best about it?


The Forgotten Garden was excellent from start to finish.  The novel spans a century of decades, and each chapter moves effortlessly from the early 1900s to 2005, to the 1970s, and back again.  It is extremely well-done and not a bit choppy, as you might expect from a novel that moves around so much chronologically.


The characters are so likeable, even the “bad” ones, that you really want to know what happens to each, and Morton doesn’t disappoint.


One fascinating and fun feature are the original fairy tales (written by “The Authoress” in the novel) interjected throughout the book.  A nice touch, and they read as real fairy tales in the style of the Fairy books..


What do you like least about it?


I’m having trouble here finding something in The Forgotten Garden that I don’t like.  At first, I was considering writing that no characters act explicitly because of religious belief, but yet people act in an immoral way or a moral way based on their character.  The novel is fairly religion-neutral, not common among modern novels, where sometimes the religious character is the worst.


What’s next on your list to read?


I’m searching for Catholic fiction for my regular June fiction round-up, and looking for good suggestions.  Please contact me if you have some ideas.


In the meantime, The Emporer of Nihon-Ja awaits, and I’ve got several more Kate Morton books on reserve from the library.


What are you reading?  I’d love to hear about it.

Poetry Friday, Beatification Edition, Part 2: Another Poem by John Paul II

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As I wrote earlier today, I wanted to share a poem or two of Karol Wojtyla, who was fairly prolific in his poetry.

This is from Roman Triptypch, a section entitled, “Meditations on the Book of Genesis at the Threshold of the Sistine Chapel.”

I like to think of it as “the theology of the body in poem form,” but it is called:

Pre-Sacrament


Who is He? The Ineffable.  Self-existen Being.
One.  Creator of all things.
And yet, a Communion of Persons.
In this Communion, a mutual self-giving of the fullness
of truth, goodness and beauty.
But above all–ineffable.
Yet, He spoke to us of himself.
He spoke, by creating man in his image and likeness.
In the Sistine painting the Creator has human features.
The Almighty, the Ancient–a Man, like Adam whom He creates.
And they?
“Male and female He created them.”
God bestowed on them a gift and a task.
They accepted–in a human way–the mutual self-giving which is in Him.
Both naked…
they felt no shame, as long as the gift lasted–
Shame will come with sin,
yet the thrill remains.  They live conscious of the gift,
without being able to call it by name.
But they live it, they are pure–
Casta placent superis; pura cum veste venite,
et manibus puris surmite fontis aquam (see note below)
For eight years I read these words every day
as I entered the gate of the gymnasium in Wadowice.

Pre-sacrament–existence itself as the outward sign of eternal Love.

And when they became “one flesh”
–that wondrous union–
on the horizon there appears the mystery of fatherhood and motherhood.
–They returned to the source of life within them.
–They returned to the Beginning.
–Adam knew his wife
and she conceived and gave birth.
They know that they have crossed the threshold of the greatest responsibility!

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note: translates as “Heaven is pleased with what is pure; come with pure robes, and with unsullied hands drink water from the source.”

Poetry Friday, Beatification Edition: A Poem by John Paul II

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I feel honored to be able to share one of my favorite poems from Karol Wojtyla, who became John Paul II, who will be beatified the day after tomorrow.

I had a nice time searching through the several books of JP II poetry I own, for just the right “one.”  I think I might have to post another one later today, there are so many that I like.  This post may end up being Poetry Friday, Part 1, so stay tuned.

This poem is from “The Church,” written at the Basilica of Saint Peter, Autumn 1962, when Wojtyla would have been in Rome for the beginning of Vatican II.

Marble floor


Our feet meet the earth in this place;
there are so many walls, so many colonnades,
yet we are not lost.  If we find
meaning and oneness,
it is the floor that guides us.  It joins the spaces
of this great edifice, and joins
the spaces within us,
who walk aware of our weakness and defeat.
Peter, you are the floor, that others
may walk over you (not knowing
where they go).  You guide their steps
so that spaces can be one in their eyes,
and from them thought is born.
You want to serve their feet that pass
as rock serves the hooves of sheep.
The rock is a gigantic temple floor,
the cross a pasture.

How I Turn Kate Middleton’s Wedding Dress into a Catholic App Spotlight

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First, I feel compelled to tell loyal readers (especially my editor, who likes me to keep mostly to books, that I’m not going all Betty Beguiles or Modestia here with this post (wonderful as they are), but I truly feel there is a connection between Kate Middleton’s wedding dress and a new Catholic App out this week.

I happened to see the royal wedding live this morning, which I did not intend to do, as a very small subset of my local Jane Austen book group is gathering for tea, scones, and DVR’d highlights of the royal wedding in a few hours.  However, I was up extra early and at the gym, where I was able to persuade the guys near me to change the tv channel from ESPN to the wedding “just this once.”  And when I saw Kate Middleton’s dress, one of my first thoughts was, “Wow, now that is a dress.”  And my second thought was, “I think that looks like St. Gianna Molla’s wedding dress.”

Now, our family has had a lot of St. Gianna in the past year, as our oldest daughter chose St. Gianna as her confirmation saint.  She chose St. Gianna because of her great life story, her family life and her work as a doctor (she’s interested in healthcare as a career path), but I think a bit of our fashion-conscious daughter likes that St. Gianna had a really great sense of style.

But the real reason I thought about St. Gianna’s wedding dress is I had just been exploring last night the new App series from Little iApps.  I got the terrific one devoted to St. Gianna, and in looking through it last night, I noticed a photo of St. Gianna in her wedding dress.

So see if you agree with me.  Doesn’t her dress look extremely similar to St. Gianna’s?  I took a screenshot of the above wedding dress photo from the App.

I noticed one commentator talking about Kate’s dress being very 50s-inspired, and Pietro and Gianna were married September 24, 1955, so I don’t think I’m too far off the mark.

Two interesting facts about St. Gianna’s wedding dress: she made it herself, and that she hoped to re-use it for vestments if she had a son who became a priest.

I will get the chance to use this eVotions App later today, as I plan to pray some of the prayers for the newly married couple for a happy, holy marriage.  St. Gianna seems a good saint for this stylish new princess, and I’m sure we all wish her and Prince William the best.

Now we’re back to our regular books-centered writing.  Look for later today excerpts from two poems by John Paul II in honor of his beatification Sunday.  I’ll be watching that, too.