Following is my column that appears in the current print edition of The Catholic Post.
More than a decade ago, as a younger homeschooling mom, I became enchanted with the concept of the “Rule of Six,” coined by homeschooling mom and author Melissa Wiley.
Wiley suggested six things that every child should have access to every day: good books; imaginative play; encounters with beauty (art, music, the natural world); ideas to ponder and discuss; meaningful work; and prayer.
I remember thinking at the time that moms need all those things too, and how great it would be to try to incorporate them. But that can be so difficult in our fast-paced world, even more so for moms than for children.
In our incarnational Catholic life, we have an advantage in achieving nearly all of those areas. And two new books for moms offer ideas to ponder and discuss, in the context of prayer and the beauty of our faith.
Good Enough is Good Enough: Confessions of an Imperfect Catholic Mom by Colleen Duggan is a well-written, supportive, and realistic look at Catholic motherhood.
Duggan, a longtime writer for several Catholic websites and publications, writes about the value of self-care, the danger of judging, and the importance of an active prayer life, among other values, to mothers of all kinds, especially younger mothers.
The center of the book, is, of course, the five “confessions” in which Duggan explains each: “I don’t know how to master motherhood;” “I don’t always take care of myself as I should”; “I don’t know how to keep my kids Catholic”; I don’t like watching my children suffer,” and “I sometimes compare myself with other parents.”
What mother, or what parent, has not felt one of these “confessions,” sometimes all at once? Duggan’s relatable stories, failings (she writes, “I was never the poster woman for serenity before I had children …”), and how she works to accept herself is refreshing and encouraging for all moms. And viewing those through the lens of faith is both poignant and edifying.
For instance, the conclusion, in which Duggan describes “the theology of the donkey,” and how the humble donkey was called to do great things:
“(This) is the lesson of the donkey for me, for all of us: Jesus wants us, the loud, braying, imperfect asses we are, to go where he calls us. He wants us to carry this his load, to do the work of bringing others to him; and we can only compete this task, of course, if we abandon our “perfect” plans and the baggage that weighs us down. We must learn—just like that donkey did—to submit ourselves to him.”
Each chapter ends with a closing prayer, and a short list of discussion questions to allow for personal reflection or for group reading. These are great questions to ponder, or even if not in a formal group to read together, to discuss with fellow moms.
For new and expectant moms—and not just first-time moms—there is Made for This: The Catholic Mom’s Guide to Birth by Mary Haseltine.
She very kindly, but loudly, laughed in my face, as birth marks the beginning of a lifetime of care and concern for your children. There’s a saying that to become a mother is to forever have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
When I was expecting many years ago, I had such concerns about pregnancy and birth that I read What to Expect When You’re Expecting and tried to follow all of its recommendations. Online advice was blessedly not very available, but if it had back then I’m sure I would have read tons of blog posts and mommy blogs so I’d know just what to expect and how to handle every possible thing that could happen to me or my baby.
But what I really needed was a more holistic resource, to help me cope with not just the physical changes that my body was undergoing, but the miracle that is pregnancy and motherhood, and how that changes everything about one’s life, marriage, and spirituality.
How I wish I had had a book that looked basically like Made for This.
This book, by a theologian and birth doula (non-medical helper who assists a mother during pregnancy and labor), offers so much of what my first-time fears needed to hear. It also provides a wider scope—for moms of all kinds, not just first-time parents— for understanding the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual challenges that pregnancy and motherhood entails.
Sensibly, the book is its even-handed approach to all kinds of approaches to pregnancy, labor, and birth, instead of a “one size fits all” plan of how one “must” bring a baby into the world. There is no one, specific, Catholic way to be pregnant and birth children.
Some especially good chapters in Made for This include “The Birth of a Father,” “Your Birth Team,” and the lovely “Born in Grace: Birth Stories from Catholic Moms.”
Haseltine writes in the introduction, “May you and your baby be blessed with a healthy, happy, and yes, holy birth.” “Made for This” is a book that goes a long way towards making that happen.