Reading Catholic

Reading Catholic and catholic

Twitter

Q&A on the "Broken" Series by Mandi of Catholic Newlywed

by

This month on Reading Catholic, I am determined to share some of the great recent resoures on human sexuality out there.  This will include blogs, podcasts, and other resources I’ve encountered as I reviewed for this month’s column on two great new books, Adam & Eve After the Pill:  Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.

Today, I’m honored to get a chance to introduce readers of Reading Catholic and The Catholic Post to Mandi, who writes a charming blog called, “Catholic Newlywed.”  Mandi began a series on her blog this year called “Broken,” that I want to share with The Catholic Post readers.  Mandi, thanks for your willingness to share, and for your great series that I hope even more people will discover.  Here’s Mandi, her husband and daughter:

Q.  Tell Reading Catholic readers a little bit about yourself, your family, and how you began blogging.

I started my blog in late 2010, shortly after marrying my husband.  We had a long distance relationship, so when we married, I moved far away from my family and friends and was craving friendship with like-minded Catholic women.  Since then, we welcomed our first child, Lucia, last December and my blog is now a combination of faith, family life, keeping house, and the everyday musings of a Catholic wife and mother.

Q.  How did you get the idea for the “Broken” series?

I was in a “broken” relationship myself several years ago and continue to feel the scars it has left behind.  During the two and a half years that it lasted, I felt very alone and ashamed, without anyone to confide in.  In the time since then, I have realized that my experiences were not nearly as rare as I thought they were.  Slowly, I came to learn that many of the women I had daily contact with had been in similar damaging relationships, but we all felt isolated and alone.  “Broken” is an attempt to provide a channel for speaking out about these relationships.

Q.   What do you hope that women will take away from the “Broken” series?  

I started “Broken” in hopes that it would be a resource for women to gain knowledge, advice, and strength from others who have been in similar damaging relationships.  I believe that had I had more access to “real life” stories from other women, I would have been able to identify my relationship as abusive before it had gone too far and hopefully would have had the strength to get out early.  Discussing and reading about others’ experiences have also helped me to view mine more critically and finally heal some of those wounds.  I thought that if this has helped me, perhaps it will help other women.  My ultimate goal is that perhaps just one young woman will read these stories and be able to completely avoid damaging relationships because of them.

Q.   The series is primarily about women’s experiences.  Have you had any feedback from men, and what do you hope men reading the series will “get” from it?

This is a great question! I originally started this series for women and still tend to think of it as geared toward them; however, women are not the only victims of damaging relationships.  I recently received an email from a woman who shared that her son is in an abusive relationship.  I would love the opportunity to share stories of broken relationships from the male perspective, although I think that men are still a little more reticent about discussing those experiences (but all the more reason they need to be shared).  If there are any men that would like to write a piece, please don’t hesitate to contact me – your voice is important and I do publish pieces anonymously upon request!  


This series can benefit all men in that it gives them a window into the lives of women who have endured damaging relationships.  Since so many women will be in an abusive relationship of some kind in their lifetime, there is a high probability that a man will marry a woman who retains the scars of a past abusive relationship.  It’s important that they are able to understand and identify the scars that their loved ones carry.  Fathers also need to be aware of the kind of relationships that they need to prepare their daughters for and warn them against.  

Q.  Do you have a “favorite” or most-important to read in the series?  I read through each of the selections, and all were so important, well-written and handle tough topics sensitively.   In particular, the post titled, “He didn’t really love me and want to protect me. He wanted to control me” was especially well-done.  Do you have one you consider a must-read?

I think they all discuss different important aspects of damaging relationships.  Each woman’s experience is different, so I think it is important to get as many stories as possible out there.  I’m hesitant to say that one is better than the other because each person will be affected by each one differently.  The ones that have been most healing for me based on my past experiences may not have the same meaning for someone else.  I think all the women who have shared have been extremely courageous in telling their story.

Q.  Do you see this as an ongoing series, or do you plan to wrap it up at some time in the future?

As long as there are people willing to share, I will be open to continuing the series.  I think there are many aspects that still need to be addressed.  Particularly, I would be interested in pieces from friends and family of those in damaging relationships.  I would also like pieces that are more advice-based in nature, for example, “how to identify warning signs of a damaging relationship,” or “what to do if someone you know was in an abusive relationship.”  

Q.   Is there anything else you would like to add, or wish I would have asked?

Many of the pieces that have been written so far have dealt with physical or sexual abuse; however, I envisioned the series to include all relationships that are “damaging”.  Many women (and men) have been in relationships  that have left them feeling broken even though their relationships may not meet the definition of abusive.  Relationships in which one person is constantly belittled, in which infidelity is a factor, or which left one (or both) members scarred is a broken relationship.  These stories have a place in the series as well. 


Although I have already addressed this in several questions above, I would like to add that I am always taking new pieces.  If someone reading this feel like he/she has something to contribute, even if it isn’t on a topic I’ve specific addressed interest in, please contact me at catholicnewlywed@gmail.com.

For Father’s Day: Great Dads in Fiction (A Re-Post)

by


I’m re-running this post from 2010 because I had an idea to write a post like this for Father’s Day, and then I realized that I had already!  I thought it was worthwhile sharing again, and I’d love to hear your favorite dads in fiction.  Next year, I resolve to write a post for Mother’s Day on great moms in fiction, but I suspect that would be even harder to write.


When I had this idea for talking about great dads in fiction, I didn’t realize how hard it would be to come up with a number of great dads, or at least pretty good ones!


Many dads and moms in fiction I love are absent, dead or not a factor.  In others, the dad is considerably less than ideal, and that’s kind of the point.  But here’s a fair, by no means exhaustive, list of good and great dads to consider. 


I am indebted to my almost-teenaged daughter, who helped me immensely in ideas for great dads in the youth fiction in particular, especially why they are so good, and for helping in describing Emma’s father so well.


1.  Mr. Henry Woodhouse, Emma’s father, in Jane Austen’s Emma.  As those who know me know, I am a huge Austen fan, and I dearly love the novel and the title character.  Emma’s father is overly concerned about safety and health of those he loves, always fussing and forecasting doom.  While he is a bit of a comic character (but really, I ask you, who isn’t in Emma?), he is loving, kind and generous.  The love and respect shown to him by his daughter & future son-in-law by their decision to live at his house after marriage rather than have him separated even by a mile from his younger daughter, speaks volumes.


My husband has never read Emma, but enjoyed watching with my daughters this winter the excellent most recent adaptation that aired on PBS, and they took to calling him “Mr. Woodhouse” as he is a teensy bit of a worrier.  He could be heard to say on a number of occasions since then, “Are you not taking a scarf? You might get chilled.” and “No cake, especially for the children. There must not be cake.”



(Mr. Woodhouse looks kind of scary in this photo, but he’s really dear in the book, as well as in this excellent 2009 BBC adaptation of the novel.)


2.  Lavrans Bjorgulfsson, father of Kristin in Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset.  Lavrans is by no means perfect, but so real, like many fathers.  I find him honorable, steadfast, so realistic in many ways, from his work among his farmer tenants to his sacrificial work on behalf of his family, to his fierce loyalty to and protection of Kristin’s honor, both when she does and does not deserve it. 





3.  Father Francis Chisolm in A.J. Cronin’s The Keys of the Kingdom.  This fantastic novel follows the life of Father Francis’s entire life, though it primarily takes place and his missionary work in China.  The 1944 movie starred Gregory Peck, and while it is wonderful, it is a bit more pat and wrapped up nicely than the novel.  If you’ve seen the movie, give the book a try, and vice versa.


Why is Father Francis Chisolm such a great father/Father?  First, how he lives the Gospel through his life more than his words.  Second, Father Chisolm has a passionate, Catholic ecuminism that spans cultures and promotes the deepest kind of friendship.  Finaly, he is brave and good, and only wants the best for his spiritual children, both temporal and spiritual goods, and seeks to provide them.





4.  Caddie Woodlawn’s father in Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink.  This is a children’s book, but would be enjoyed by anyone.  He is noble, calm-headed, kind, but firm with his children.  I don’t want to give anything away from the novel (because if you haven’t read it, please do! It’s a treat!), but his American spirit of hard work and equality brings tears to my eyes whenever I read this children’s novel.



5.  Pa in The Little House books.  Pa’s total love of his family, his dear affection for his brood, is so charming and winning.  Most of us who grew up reading the books and watching the television show immediately think, “Where’s my little half-pint of sweet cider half drunk up?”





6.  Robert Ray, the father of Betsy Ray, the central characters in the Besty-Tacy series of books, that fabulous semi-autobiographical collection of stories by Maud Hart Lovelace. (For our family’s literary pilgrimage to the places that inspired the books, you can read all about it here.)  There are ten altogether in the series, set in early 20th century Minnesota; the firs four are best for younger kids, and the rest good for older kids and adults.  Mr. Ray is a benevolent, hardworking patriarch to three daughters, and lends a loving, mischievous paternal presence in these books full of fun and love.  In Betsy & Tacy Go Over the Big Hill, Mr. Ray successfully referees a “terrible” quarrel between Betsy, Tacy & Tib, and older sisters Julia and Katie.




Any great dads in fiction that you care to share?


First, What Are You Reading? Volume 22 June 2012

by

Well, I completely and totally neglected to post “First, What Are You Reading?” on the first of the month.  I usually prepare these posts well in advance, but that just didn’t happen in May.  I could offer many excuses, but the shortest and best of many is that I’ve been doing much more reading than writing lately.  


Even though I didn’t write about what I’m reading before the first of the month, through the magic of blog dating, this post is dated June 1, so that I don’t have to rename this, “Fifth, what are you Reading?”  That might get kind of confusing.  It’s likely that e-mail subscribers to the post may think, “Why didn’t I get this several days back?” since you will receive it, and read it on June 5.   This is why! 


So, without further ado, here are my answers to the four questions I ask on the first of each month:

first, what are you reading?

what do you like best about it?

what do you like least?

what’s next on your list to read? 

As always, I hope you’ll consider your current reads on your blog and/or sharing here in the comments or on Facebook.  Happy reading!

First, what are you reading?  

Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World by the super-popular and super-productive Michael Hyatt.

I actually found this book via Catholic blogger Brandon Vogt, who put up a link to the book on Facebook. It seemed like an interesting read, and I’ve heard lots of great things about Michael Hyatt over the years.  

Elsewhere, I’ve also been reading, and preparing to read aloud, many, many picture books that are retelling of classical myths.  I’m teaching two classes at a local “College for Kids” summer program, one being “Classics for Kids.”

What do you like best about them?

Hyatt has an great encouraging writing style, and there’s a lot of good information.  I especially felt great when reading suggestions I’ve already implemented.  And I definitely gleaned a lot of worthwhile tips for a re-design of my blog and increasing my “sphere of influence.”

Classics for Kids is a meant to be a little bit of Greek, a little bit of Latin, and with luck, lots of fun. The kids are 4th to 7th grade, but I will be reading a “Classical Picture Book of the Day” each day to introduce the kids to a Greek or Roman myths, or classical concept.

You might think of picture books as “little kid” books, but they are great for all ages.   I’m very influenced on this by Cay Gibson, who wrote A Picture Perfect Childhood about the importance of reading and enjoying great picture books.

Cay ran a now-quiet yahoo group called “Literature Alive!” where moms, librarians and others and others talked about books for kids.  One year, she set up a picture book author “study,” one per week, and members would share their favorite books from each author.   The binder filled with the authors and books that we studied is still around the house.  I loved that year!  I only know Cay online, but someday I hope to meet her in person.  She’s really a kindred spirit and I am eternally grateful to her for her guidance and influence on me through the years.

Here are just a few of the Classical PBOD (picture books of the day) I’ll be reading:

The Trouble With Wishes by Diane Stanley (Narcissus)

Pandora by Robert Burleigh

King Midas and the Golden Touch by Charlotte Craft, (with wonderful illustrations by her mother, Kinuko Y. Craft)

Theseus and the Minotaur by Leonard Everett Fisher

What’s Your Angle, Pythagoras? By Julie Ellis

What do you like least about them?

Platform is subtitled, A Step-by-Step Guide for Anyone With Something to Say or Sell and it really outlines very concrete, specific steps to take to grow your online presence.  But I find some of these kinds of books, and Platform fits in this category, not as applicable to mere mortals like me, and especially for a mom whose main role (happily!) is taking care of a family.

I’m not, nor do I desire to be, a “huge name” blogger, nor do I have all the time he recommends to be a recognizable “brand” at this point in my life by following all his steps. At the same time, I do have a sphere of influence, starting with my own family, out to those I know personally (or, as we bloggers like to say, IRL –in real life), as well as those I know online and people who visit the blog.  Being aware of this, and being mindful of how one can have a big impact on others, is a helpful take-away from this book.

What’s next on your list to read?

Clearly, I’ve been doing a bit more reading than writing, so I’m going to try to remedy that.  But summer is also a great time for reading, I’ve got many books on the shelf for reading or re-reading, and I will be sharing lots more great books this summer.

So, what are you reading these days?  Any books you would like to share?

Catholic Media Promotion Day: #silenceandword

by

Yesterday and today comprised the two-day Catholic Media Promotion Day(s?).  Last year I participated and listed some of my favorite online Catholic “things” like podcasts websites and other Internet sources.

Because of that, this year organizers of Catholic Media Promotion Day recommended that participants this year take a break from social media on Wednesday, May 23, then write about it on Thursday, May 24.   The hashtag to be used is #silenceandword, as a direct quote from Benedict XVI from the Holy Father’s message for World Communications Day.

That message was really about the need to balance contemplation with action related to social media use.  As Benedict XVI writes, “Word and silence: learning to communicate is learning to listen and contemplate as well as speak.” Nice!

I saw on Lisa Hendey’s CatholicMom.com site about Catholic Media Promotion Day earlier this week, and made a mental note to stay off social networks and to write today about it.  But as it turned out, that happened to be no problem.

Yesterday was the class trip for our oldest’s 8th grade class, so I was on a bus from early morning until late at night, coordinating with the coach driver and keeping head counts of fellow parents (yes, that was one of my roles!)   I didn’t feel bad being “offline” at all.  If I had thought about it, I might have checked Facebook on my phone (I need to delete and re-install mobile Twitter, as it hasn’t worked for some months, showing how often I use that on my phone), but I truly never thought of it.

It’s interesting to reflect on that, and to choose to have a day of silence, because I find myself with more silence than noise when it comes to social networks and communications.  I can go more than a day being on the computer, and even longer for checking into Facebook or Twitter. (I use TweetDeck for Twitter feeds, and lately, my laptop is running slow so I don’t often have it up).

Strangely, I find that I have lots of time for contemplation, but not as much time for speaking or engaging.  I still have early morning hours and times of quiet when I reflect, or think of things I would like to write and accomplish as I go about the busyness of life.  But even though the contemplation bears fruit in the form of ideas, getting those writing ideas actually done has been very difficult lately, because when I’ve processed it enough to get it down, it’s time to take kids somewhere, or put in another load of laundry, or go grocery shopping, or go on a field trip or ….fill in the blank of running a household and keeping kids fed, clothed and loved.  And sometimes I get to it, and sometimes I don’t.  As an example, the only reason that this post is being finished, even after day of intending to, is that a huge branch came down from a tree on the tree lawn in front of our house.  It’s blocking the road, and a city crew is here cutting it up with chainsaws, and the rest of the family is outside watching.  (I went out to snap a few photos and say hello to the police who came, and now I’m taking advantage of the quiet to finish this).

The topic then to share about was, “What in Catholic Media has had an impact on me during the past year?”  And to be honest, I have to say my shrinking time online is something that has had the greatest impact on me.  It’s not all bad, and it’s not all good.

I am trying to tweak my schedule and time management skills so that I have more time to accomplish the writing and reading that I love, and with intentionally connecting with others online, whether family members through e-mail, Facebook friends and groups, Twitter or blogging here (as I should!)  

But overall, I’ve increasingly realized that the season of my life right now is meant to be spent as much time as I would like, or feel called to–writing, or reading (sigh!), or interacting with others online–and to be at peace with it.  There will come a time when I’ll have much more leeway in my schedule to write the Great American Novel (or whatever project I’ve got in mind then), and be much more active in whatever social media looks like in the future.  But for now, it’s a lot of analog, and that’s a good thing.

How about you?  Do you find yourself connected online more than you would like, or less?  What would you change about your online engagement?

Book Trailer for "The Temperament God Gave Your Kids"

by

I found this trailer for The Temperament God Gave Your Kids, one of the books reviewed in my Catholic Post column this month, very endearing.  Enjoy!

The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Not A Parenting Book

by

Following is my monthly column that appears in the print Catholic Post.  I invite your feedback here, or elsewhere online. 


In May, I like to focus on books that could potentially make great Mother’s Day gifts.  But while I love to read all sorts of parenting books, I hesitate long and hard before recommending them.  There are just so many varied ways to be a great Catholic parent.
Fortunately, The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Motivate, Discipline and Love Your Children by Art & Laraine Bennett is not a parenting book.  Rather, it’s an explanation of the classical four temperaments, and how to work with those temperaments to have the best possible relationship with your kids, whatever your parenting style.  I truly enjoyed this book, and the Bennetts’ no-nonsense, kind approach to working with your child’s-and your own-temperament .
The Bennetts write not just as counselors, but fellow parents.  They have written two previous Temperament books, but I think this is their most mature effort.  You can easily glean your own temperament, as well as that of your loved ones, by reading this book (and taking the one-page  back-of-book temperament quiz).
Briefly, the four temperaments are: choleric (strong-willed & determined); melancholic (quiet & introspective);  sanguine (eager & sociable); and  phlegmatic (cooperative & peaceful).
When I strong-armed encouraged every member of our family to complete the quiz, I found that our temperaments were pretty much as expected.  Most helpful, though, was learning how these temperaments interact in a positive or negative way, and suggestions for a different way of looking at my role as a mom.   That means I treat a melancholic child differently than a sanguine or choleric child, all within my own parenting style.
The Bennets write: “Parents will find it far easier to help their children grown emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually when they build on their children’s natural strengths.”  Amen to that.
Once you understand your temperament and those of your kids (and spouse), you will be nodding along with the chapters describing slightly different you might want to parent, and also nodding along with their sage advice.
Those who know me are aware that when it comes to parenting/self-help books, I am a great fan of the numbers types of books—the five love languages, the seven habits of happy families, and the like.  What’s different—and better—about The Temperament book is the Bennett’s Catholic sensibility.  They promote knowing about the temperament in order to work with nature, instead of prescribing a “one size fits all” parenting philosophy.
I also especially loved the chapter “Growing in Virtue” which lists the virtues that come easy to each of the temperaments and ones that “need work.”  Having that information is so helpful in helping our children reach their full potential.