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"A Realistic Voice for NFP": Q&A With Katie of "NFP and Me"

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This month on Reading Catholic, I am determined to share some of the great recent resources on human sexuality out there.  This will include blogs, podcasts, and other resources I’ve encountered as I reviewed this month’s column, Adam & Eve After the Pill:  Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.   (In case you missed it, I featured a  Q&A with Mandi of Catholic Newlywed about her “Broken” series last week.)

Today, I’m delighted to get a chance to introduce readers of The Catholic Post to Katie , a medical student who writes a smart, terrific blog called, “NFP & Me.” 

I first discovered Katie on Twitter  (where Katie is @NFPandMe I am @ReadingCatholic), when she began posting links to wonderful buttons about “I Use NFP” (and inviting people to share them on Twitter with the hashtag #iuseNFP).  But she’s been blogging and spreading the great word about NFP for some time.   Just this month, Katie also had several articles in the latest issue of Our Sunday Visitor Newsweekly on NFP (coinciding with NFP Awareness Week).

Katie graciously agreed to do a Q&A for the Reading Catholic blog this month, even though she is in her surgery rotation in medical school.  If you’re not familiar with Katie, please take a moment to go over to her blog and visit.  Thanks, Katie!

Q.  Tell Reading Catholic readers a little bit about yourself, your family, and how you began blogging.

Well my name is Katie, I’m 24 years old, married, and a dog mom to Jack.  I’m currently in my third year of medical school. I’m Italian, but not like Snooki. I’m a crazy dog lady and so is my husband (only not a lady). Seriously, you may see us on animal hoarders someday.  ☺


I started blogging by the grace of God. I have a friend who is a fantastic writer, really superb, and I would call him with my ideas of things he should write about. God love him, but he’s not the most reliable. He would never write about my fantastic ideas. He unfortunately quit blogging so I decided that I should give it a try. God had really put it on my heart for a few months and I decided to just go for it. 

Q.  This is kind of a goofy question, but why did you name your blog NFP and Me?  Could you tell us what you hope to accomplish with your blog?

I have no idea where the name came from. I knew I wanted to blog about NFP but I hadn’t thought of actually giving it a name. In fact I didn’t even read blogs at the time so I didn’t exactly have examples. I do remember thinking “Well this rhymes.” and decided to run with it.  


Mostly my goal for my blog is to be a realistic voice for NFP. When I started using it I was so scared of it. I thought it didn’t work, I thought it was only for crazy people.  I was the ultimate skeptic and I know there are countless women out there who were just like me. I just want to be a voice of reassurance, someone who isn’t the holiest snootiest women on earth sharing her fears. There’s an invaluable resource in camaraderie and commiserating.  I’ve built more genuine friendships out of my blog than I could have ever hoped for.  I guess that’s a roundabout way of saying I didn’t even have hopes for it because I didn’t think anyone would read it. In fact I’m still surprised anyone reads it, I think Google Analytics may be lying to me. ☺

Q.  My number one favorite recent post from your blog is “Tell Me Why,” contrasting a popular song lyrics (liberation) with quotes from John Paul II (oppression?) : .  Love!  Do you have a favorite post, or two or three that would really give Reading Catholic readers a feel for your blog? 

I have to admit, I’m a big fan of Tell Me Why too. If there’s minimal writing on my part, I’m for it.  I think my favorite post is We Were Wrong (note from Nancy: love this one, too! well worth a read) . It’s about the discourse between the pro-life stance and the way pro-lifers act. A woman read it who is post abortive and responded how much it meant to her to not be met with judgment, but love. I couldn’t ask for more out of a post.

Q.   Your website IuseNFP.com is newly launched, with a lot of great graphics and content.  What do you hope to do with the website over time?

Oh, what don’t we hope to do with it? Ha! Ultimately we hope our site is a safe place where women can find comprehensive information about their natural family planning options. We want to be a place for every woman, no matter her religion, to feel comfortable asking questions and seeking information. 

Q.   Could you explain about the IuseNFP buttons, and how people can use them on their sites and to share?

We want the buttons to be a simple fun way for people to share that they use NFP. My experience with evangelizing NFP has always been a struggle. Most women don’t use it and there’s always that question mark on young couples in Mass who don’t have kids (couples like my husband and me). The buttons are easy little things that people can share on Facebook, pin to Pinterest, or put on their blog to let people know “Hey, people actually use NFP.” We want the buttons to be fun and modern. We can’t keep throwing babies, however cute they may be, at women. We’re competing with people like Planned Parenthood and we have an obligation to advertise just as, if not more, effectively than they do. 

Q.  You’re a busy medical student.  Why spend time blogging at all? about NFP?

Because I’m called to it. I’m not a gifted writer, I don’t have the most fabulous ideas, I’m not freaking Marc Barnes but God put this on my heart for a reason. When I started this I thought it was there because I had a lot to say but in the year I’ve been blogging I realized it’s because I have a lot to learn. If I can document my learning process in a way that’s relatable to people that can maybe help just one person then I have an obligation to do it. 


We have too many bloggers telling people what to believe and how to act but we don’t have a lot showing how they believe or how they came to believe and doing it with humility. Fortunately for me, being in medical school keeps me pretty humble, let’s just hope I figure out the showing aspect pretty soon. 😉  

Q&A on the "Broken" Series by Mandi of Catholic Newlywed

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This month on Reading Catholic, I am determined to share some of the great recent resoures on human sexuality out there.  This will include blogs, podcasts, and other resources I’ve encountered as I reviewed for this month’s column on two great new books, Adam & Eve After the Pill:  Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.

Today, I’m honored to get a chance to introduce readers of Reading Catholic and The Catholic Post to Mandi, who writes a charming blog called, “Catholic Newlywed.”  Mandi began a series on her blog this year called “Broken,” that I want to share with The Catholic Post readers.  Mandi, thanks for your willingness to share, and for your great series that I hope even more people will discover.  Here’s Mandi, her husband and daughter:

Q.  Tell Reading Catholic readers a little bit about yourself, your family, and how you began blogging.

I started my blog in late 2010, shortly after marrying my husband.  We had a long distance relationship, so when we married, I moved far away from my family and friends and was craving friendship with like-minded Catholic women.  Since then, we welcomed our first child, Lucia, last December and my blog is now a combination of faith, family life, keeping house, and the everyday musings of a Catholic wife and mother.

Q.  How did you get the idea for the “Broken” series?

I was in a “broken” relationship myself several years ago and continue to feel the scars it has left behind.  During the two and a half years that it lasted, I felt very alone and ashamed, without anyone to confide in.  In the time since then, I have realized that my experiences were not nearly as rare as I thought they were.  Slowly, I came to learn that many of the women I had daily contact with had been in similar damaging relationships, but we all felt isolated and alone.  “Broken” is an attempt to provide a channel for speaking out about these relationships.

Q.   What do you hope that women will take away from the “Broken” series?  

I started “Broken” in hopes that it would be a resource for women to gain knowledge, advice, and strength from others who have been in similar damaging relationships.  I believe that had I had more access to “real life” stories from other women, I would have been able to identify my relationship as abusive before it had gone too far and hopefully would have had the strength to get out early.  Discussing and reading about others’ experiences have also helped me to view mine more critically and finally heal some of those wounds.  I thought that if this has helped me, perhaps it will help other women.  My ultimate goal is that perhaps just one young woman will read these stories and be able to completely avoid damaging relationships because of them.

Q.   The series is primarily about women’s experiences.  Have you had any feedback from men, and what do you hope men reading the series will “get” from it?

This is a great question! I originally started this series for women and still tend to think of it as geared toward them; however, women are not the only victims of damaging relationships.  I recently received an email from a woman who shared that her son is in an abusive relationship.  I would love the opportunity to share stories of broken relationships from the male perspective, although I think that men are still a little more reticent about discussing those experiences (but all the more reason they need to be shared).  If there are any men that would like to write a piece, please don’t hesitate to contact me – your voice is important and I do publish pieces anonymously upon request!  


This series can benefit all men in that it gives them a window into the lives of women who have endured damaging relationships.  Since so many women will be in an abusive relationship of some kind in their lifetime, there is a high probability that a man will marry a woman who retains the scars of a past abusive relationship.  It’s important that they are able to understand and identify the scars that their loved ones carry.  Fathers also need to be aware of the kind of relationships that they need to prepare their daughters for and warn them against.  

Q.  Do you have a “favorite” or most-important to read in the series?  I read through each of the selections, and all were so important, well-written and handle tough topics sensitively.   In particular, the post titled, “He didn’t really love me and want to protect me. He wanted to control me” was especially well-done.  Do you have one you consider a must-read?

I think they all discuss different important aspects of damaging relationships.  Each woman’s experience is different, so I think it is important to get as many stories as possible out there.  I’m hesitant to say that one is better than the other because each person will be affected by each one differently.  The ones that have been most healing for me based on my past experiences may not have the same meaning for someone else.  I think all the women who have shared have been extremely courageous in telling their story.

Q.  Do you see this as an ongoing series, or do you plan to wrap it up at some time in the future?

As long as there are people willing to share, I will be open to continuing the series.  I think there are many aspects that still need to be addressed.  Particularly, I would be interested in pieces from friends and family of those in damaging relationships.  I would also like pieces that are more advice-based in nature, for example, “how to identify warning signs of a damaging relationship,” or “what to do if someone you know was in an abusive relationship.”  

Q.   Is there anything else you would like to add, or wish I would have asked?

Many of the pieces that have been written so far have dealt with physical or sexual abuse; however, I envisioned the series to include all relationships that are “damaging”.  Many women (and men) have been in relationships  that have left them feeling broken even though their relationships may not meet the definition of abusive.  Relationships in which one person is constantly belittled, in which infidelity is a factor, or which left one (or both) members scarred is a broken relationship.  These stories have a place in the series as well. 


Although I have already addressed this in several questions above, I would like to add that I am always taking new pieces.  If someone reading this feel like he/she has something to contribute, even if it isn’t on a topic I’ve specific addressed interest in, please contact me at catholicnewlywed@gmail.com.

Guest Post: “A Beautiful Life Surrounded by and Knowing Nothing but Love”

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I’m humbled today to present a guest post from Teresa Lutz, a local mom, on a book I reviewed this month, Karen Edmisten’s After Miscarriage.  Here’s my review of that book.

I don’t know whether to say it was coincidental or something else that when I first received my review copy of After Miscarriage, within a few days I learned of three women in my circle of friends and acquaintances suffered stillbirths or miscarriages.  I sent each of the women copies of the book, hoping it would provide comfort and support at some point, either now or in the future. 

Teresa felt ready to share some thoughts about the book with me, and when I asked her if she would guest post about it, she readily agreed.

Teresa is wife to Mike and mom to two beautiful boys.   She is a stay at home mom and works part time as an oncology nurse.

My husband and I were very excited to learn that we would be welcoming our third child into our family.  We were shocked and heartbroken to find out at our 20-week ultrasound that our baby had a fatal neural tube defect called anencephaly.  This meant that very early in my pregnancy her skull had not formed completely and as a result, she would be born with little brain tissue.
Her life expectancy was minutes or hours, if she made it through delivery.  We decided to celebrate the gift of her life while she was still with us and spent the remainder of my pregnancy cherishing every moment.  We were blessed with 36 weeks to love and care for our daughter before she went to Heaven.  Gianna Therese was stillborn on February 19th 2012.
I found Karen Edmisten’s After Miscarriage to be comforting and practical at the same time. It gave both an insight into what other women have experienced after the loss of their babies, but also offered suggestions and information for women who may have recently gone through a miscarriage or stillbirth. The quotes, prayers and Bible passages help to provide perspective and hope to the struggles one might be facing.
I was actually surprised to find that most of the chapters made a lot of sense – I almost felt like I could have written some of them!
For instance, Edmisten even includes a passage from her journal stating that she was dreading going to the dentist and having to explain that her baby had died. I have also been dreading my upcoming dentist appointment.
It didn’t occur to me that other people had experienced those feelings of anxiety when faced with explaining to practical strangers why we are no longer pregnant, yet don’t have a baby, either.
The book was easy to read through, but isn’t one that necessarily needs to be read cover to cover. I was given a different book by my doctor which was in a similar format, but almost too lengthy. I will definitely suggest After Miscarriage to him.
Although the author does touch on both the topics of stillbirth and miscarriage, I could see how some people having gone through a late miscarriage or stillbirth might feel like it doesn’t completely apply to them, especially if they didn’t make it through the first few chapters.
Overall, I found it was a very helpful book – especially as a Catholic mother. At a time like this, it is good to read a book that provides both practical and spiritual comfort.
Nancy again here: I recalled, though I was not able to attend Gianna’s funeral, that several friends shared that the reflection shared by Teresa and her husband at the funeral was beautiful.  Teresa also agreed to share this with Catholic Post readers:
——
Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
Gianna Therese had a beautiful life surrounded by and knowing nothing but love.  She was surrounded by love in the womb and we believe was carried directly to the waiting arms of God.  We as Catholic parents, are called by our vocation of marriage, to strive above all else to work toward helping our children arrive in Heaven someday.  The Church and our faith tell us to have confidence in God’s unending love and mercy for even the littlest souls.  How can we not be filled with joy?
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” – Sam Keen
Gianna was not “perfect” in the worldly sense.  She was not meant to be with us long on this earth and we knew that from early on. Some people have thought that we carried Gianna to term because we don’t believe in abortion, because we are Catholic, or perhaps we weren’t given the option to do otherwise.  While some of these factors might have played a part in our immediate refusal to “terminate”, this is not what it is about.  It is about love!  It was about our child that was given to us as a gift to love and protect! Gianna’s life had value from the moment of conception, just as every life does.
 We do not possess more strength than other people.  It is not because we can cope where others wouldn’t. There was no way to avoid the sad fact that Gianna could not live long after birth, but causing her death earlier would not stop this from happening.  Causing her death would have only taken from us the beautiful experience of knowing and loving her and allowing others to do the same.  We wouldn’t wish away the time we had with Gianna to save us the tremendous pain of losing her.  Was it worth it?  YES!  We had the chance to hold Gianna, to see her and to love her before letting go.  Love your children, and remember that they each have their own unique mission.  Children are always and only a blessing from God – even if they don’t stay very long.
Our daughter’s short life and certain death has prompted some wonderful things.  This is our prayer as a family.  “We gladly offer our baby back to You God, and endure the sorrowful pain of missing the soul we have come to love.  If our offering prompts just one soul to grow closer to You, we offer Gianna with greater joy than the sorrow we are feeling.”
We appreciate the love, support and prayers we have received more than we can ever express with words.  We have felt peace throughout this entire journey and although we are so sad and hurting, we know we are not alone.  May God Bless you all for sharing this journey with us!

Guest Post: A Pilgrim Shares Her Journeys to World Youth Day

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It’s just a little more than two weeks until the start of World Youth Day 2011 in Madrid, Spain.  Since this month I reviewed two books that are WYD-friendly,  I wanted to feature the WYD stories of people in the Peoria diocese.   I am delighted to be able to feature a dear friend and her WYD experiences.  Amy Dyke is wife to Craig & mom to four wonderful girls, with another baby on the way shortly.  Amy, thank you so much for taking the time in your busy schedule to guest post here and share your experiences (and some great “vintage” photos!)

By Amy Dyke



Every few years when World Youth Day is celebrated somewhere new throughout the world, I am reminded that I’ve had the blessing of attending two World Youth Days in my younger years.  My first was in Denver, Colorado, in 1993, with my parish Youth Group.   My second was in Manila, Philippines, in 1995, as part of my year of missionary work when I took a year off from college.   I’ve also had the honor of seeing John Paul II in Rome and the Czech Republic in 1997 while I studied abroad in Austria.  Yes, I was perhaps a bit of a groupie, but I must admit that after my first encounter with JPII as an 18 year old, my life absolutely changed for the better.  To be given the opportunity of literally being in the presence of holiness is something I’ve learned to never pass up.

 

Each WYD experience, both Denver and Manila, had its own unique way of speaking to my heart and turning my life, in a more powerful way, toward God.  Denver, though, was the most impacting experience for me.  I had just graduated from high school and was on my way to college.  I had no idea of what to expect, especially since our Youth Group called this adventure a pilgrimage- a completely foreign concept to me at the time.  I quickly realized that this was not an ordinary trip with friends, focused only on fun and games.  Rather, I learned firsthand that a true pilgrimage is about prayer, a deeper understanding of God and a deeper quest into my own faith journey.

The cramped sleeping quarters, simple food, and continual emphasis on prayer were necessary components for me to understand the idea of pilgrimage, but that was actually only a small part of it all.  My eyes were opened in ways I never thought possible.  It was both profound and inspiring to see other Catholic youth who possessed not even a morsel of embarrassment or hesitation in talking about spiritual things and/or their own faith journey.  I was, in turn, relieved to feel the freedom to let down my own guard and speak openly about my love for Christ and the Church.  After having experienced numerous, powerful interactions with other Catholic youth in those first few days of WYD, I remember going to sleep in the evenings, immersed in prayer, feeling absolutely blessed and thankful to be in the presence of sincere Catholics who were not just proud, but truly joyful in proclaiming their Faith.  I look back now and am confident that this simple, yet bold experience of other youth living out their Catholic Faith played a huge role in the development of my own faith life.  What an unexpected gift, especially at a time of life when the lure of the world is shouting out, ever so loudly, to college-bound young adults to abandon their Faith and embrace a hedonistic lifestyle, one of so-called freedom and happiness.

Over the course of the week, my faith life had exploded in ways I didn’t know possible.  I made rock-solid friendships – ones which I treasure and have kept alive to this day.  Yet, the highlight of World Youth Day for me was my extraordinary, albeit momentary, encounter with JPII.   He had finally arrived into Denver and I struggled to get as close as humanly possible to the path where he would slowly cruise through Mile High Stadium in his pope-mobile.  The strong anticipation I physically felt in awaiting our Holy Father came as a strange surprise to me.  My breathing became heavier, my hands were shaking and I found myself biting my bottom lip so hard, that I eventually tasted my own blood.   …It was brief, perhaps only a few seconds that I was directly in JPII’s presence, but for that very brief, faith-filled moment, the entire world stood still for this child of God.   A sense of calm came over me as his loving eyes gazed down upon me, as if he could see directly into my heart.  His joy, love and holiness literally overcame me.  I felt an overwhelming sense of security in his strong, loving eyes- eyes that were filled with unspeakable hope and joy.   I felt the presence of God, the holiness of God in a way that I had never known possible.   I was simply in awe.  As I watched him leave, I realized that I had tears literally pouring out of my eyes—tears of joy at their finest, and clearly an instinctual reaction of an indescribable experience- one of purity, joy, love and the unmistakable presence of Christ’s peace and holiness.   I’m confident that those tears -and the incredibly wet collar of my shirt- was my small little gift from God to always remember and cherish that magnificent, life-changing moment of my youth.  

I’ve read various books and articles since JPII’s passing, and they all seem to be consistent in this one area:  JPII had come into contact with hundreds of millions of the Catholic Faithful, yet when it was specifically you that was in his presence, you felt as though you were the most important person in the world, truly the only one that mattered in his eyes.  Yes, his personality was magnetic and all-encompassing, but there was something much deeper and profound about his presence that captured the hearts of the Faithful.  His sincere charism of profound Christ-like love, holiness and personalism, which he carried with him throughout his life and freely shared with all those he encountered, was one of the many tremendous gifts that he bestowed upon the Faithful—of which, I am incredibly grateful to be included.

Even though I did not realize it at the time how monumental this encounter was upon my life, it certainly is obvious now as I look back and see how God’s hand worked out the details and led me toward a life of Truth.  I was joyfully inspired by JPII’s proclamation that the youth are the future and the hope of the Church.  I was thrilled by his assertion that there is but one Truth, which is found in the very person of Jesus Christ, with our Holy Catholic Church loyally safeguarding and affirming this Truth.  I was enthusiastically being drawn into these simple, yet concrete, answers- ones for which I didn’t even realize my heart had been asking, struggling or longing.  The Truth was proclaimed in such a powerful way, with confidence and joy, in a way I had never before heard.  JPII attracted and brought souls to the Truth by speaking directly to that part of the person’s heart that was crying out for meaning, truth, hope.  His words carried authority, love, compassion, honesty.  The Holy Father was, and continues to be, the living, breathing representative of Jesus Christ on earth.  Yes, the authority and grandeur of his presence were absolutely awe-inspiring, but even more so, it was the purity and holiness of his very person that lovingly pierced the hearts of the Faithful, changing them for the better.  For me, that brief, overwhelming experience of being in the Holy Father’s presence was but a taste of what I imagine the heavenly experience will be when we are in the love and holiness of Jesus Christ Himself.   St. Augustine wisely and accurately said, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee, O Lord.”   Such great consolation these words are, especially after experiencing this loving, humble man of God, JPII.  He granted me, and so many others- through a simple glance of his strong, loving eyes- an incredibly vibrant taste of holiness, and perhaps a sincere foretaste into the pure joy of Eternal Life with our Lord Jesus Christ.  What an astounding treasure God has in store for those who love Him!

As a cradle Catholic, I unfortunately never fully realized the gift I had in my Catholic Faith.  I hadn’t taken much time to think about the Pope- or that he would ever be an important figure in my life.  Denver’s WYD, however, changed everything for me and gave me an eye-opening awareness of the importance and necessity the Holy Father is to our Holy Catholic Church and especially the amazing treasure we’ve been given with Apostolic Succession.  From our first pope, the Apostle Peter, all the way to our present day pope, Benedict XVI, all Catholic Bishops throughout the world, for the past two thousand years, can trace their lineage directly back to Christ.  What an incredible reality this is.  Jesus Christ Himself told Peter, “You are Rock and upon this Rock I will build my Church.”  These are words that should make us Catholics tremble.  With great resolve and confidence, we are led into the fullness of Truth through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, in the Chair of St. Peter.  What a feeling of both relief and joy to know that we are home, being led by the Bishop of Rome, the Vicar of Christ on earth- and exactly where our Lord wants us to be.

Blessed JPII has passed on to his eternal reward and our Church is now blessed with our good and faithful shepherd, Pope Benedict XVI.  My admiration and love overflow greatly for this holy man of God.  My heart melts when I see him shyly smile upon the adoring crowds and in the sincere way he humbly exhibits the love and holiness of God upon the Faithful.  I have great hopes of seeing him someday, perhaps even at another World Youth Day.   The reality, however, of the blessings of family life, along with baby #5 due soon, puts somewhat of a cramp in my travel habits of the past.  So for now, I cannot be Benedict’s groupie, but I will heartily rejoice with my husband and daughters in simply knowing that he is here on earth, praying with and for all of us, and boldly shepherding our Holy Catholic Church into all Truth, Beauty and Goodness.  What a treasure.