Reading Catholic

Reading Catholic and catholic

dads

Sharing Resources–Men and Sexual Abuse

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As often happens when you are focused on something, you see it everywhere.  And this was definitely the case with sexuality and a healthy, integrated life, after I reviewed for this month’s column two important books: Adam & Eve After the Pill:  Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and  My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.  I’ve encountered many resources and sources of information over the past month that I plan to share with readers here.  I also hope to have a number of guest posts.

One of the podcasts I subscribe to is Focus on the Family’s daily broadcast.   While I don’t love every single podcast, I do find it more often than not an interesting listen.  The resource from Focus on the Family that I use most often, though, is its media review site, Plugged In Online (though strangely, I don’t listen to the Plugged In podcast very often).

At the end of last month, I listened to a tremendous two-part series from Focus on the Family, “Men and Sexual Abuse: Hope for Wounded Hearts,” a long interview with Dr. Dan Allendar about the long-term effects of sexual abuse on men.  It covers a lot of the same themes that Dawn Eden does in her book, My Peace I Give You.  Well worth a listen.

You can listen to the first part of the interview here.

After the Revolution, Rotten Fruit, Discouragement–And Hope

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During my college years in the 1980s, I was a (nominal) cradle Catholic, and fairly immersed in the college culture of the time.  I was especially drawn to various trendy, or what we called back in the day “politically correct,” ideas and philosophies.

Exhibit A: I thought Gloria Steinem, who spoke at our campus, was glamorous and made terrific sense.
All joking about Gloria Steinem aside, by far the most memorable speaker was a beautiful young woman, a former porn film worker, who gave a speech  (from a feminist perspective) on the evils of pornography.
It gave me–to this day–an implacable hatred of porn as something bad for women and corrosive to society.
I’m incredibly grateful for that speaker, who opened my eyes at such an early age of the high cost of “anything goes.”  But it was awful to sit through and to hear.

Mary Eberstadt’s Adam and Eve After the Pill: Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution reminds me of hearing that speech.  This book is not enjoyable –in fact, reading it can be downright discouraging.  But it is a must-read in understanding, “the moral core of the sexual revolution (is) the abundant evidence that its fruits have been rottenest for women and children.”

Every single essay-chapter is important and stands alone.  It’s hard to pick out a best chapter, but “The Will to Disbelieve” is crucial in setting up the notion that society at large is largely ignoring the clear results of the sexual revolution, much the same way the “the moral facts about the Cord War remained disputed at the highest intellectual levels, especially on American campuses, until about two seconds before the Berlin Wall came down.”
Perhaps the only hopeful chapter of Adam and Eve After the Pill is “‘Pedophia Chic’ Then and Now” which outlines how just a few short decades ago, pedophilia was more in vogue and even defended in the public square such as mainstream magazine articles.  Ebertstadt writes that it is “a small case of small but real moral progress that bodes a little better for the youngest and most innocent among us, even as it confirms that the sexual revolution has made the world a more dangerous place for them.”
Hope may be hard to come by when reading Adam and Eve After the Pill, but hope and peace suffuse My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Catholic convert Dawn Eden.

In many ways, My Peace I Give You is a personal testimonial to the rotten fruits documented in Adam and Eve After the Pill.  As a child of divorce, Eden experienced sexual abuse in various settings, then as a young adult lived promiscuously to “take control” of her sexuality.  But wholeness and true happiness remained elusive.

In Eden’s 2006 international bestseller, The Thrill of the Chaste, Eden wrote about discovering the appeal that modesty and sexual restraint offer, but had not yet come to terms with the legacy of abuse in her life.
During and after her conversion to Catholicism, Eden sees that healing from those sexual wounds is ongoing and a work of the Holy Spirit, through specific saints who provide solace on the journey.
As she writes to the many who are childhood sexual abuse victim, “I want you to know you are not alone, you are not forgotten, and you have more friends in heaven than you realize.”
My Peace I Give Youis part memoir and part meditations on what the saints can teach us about wholeness of body, mind and spirit, even in the face of searing memories and experiences.
Some of the saints in My Peace I Give You are victims of sexual abuse; some are not; but in Eden’s heartfelt and careful reflection, all have something to offer those who have undergone abuse, or those whose hearts breaks for them.
This column appears on the book page of the print Catholic Post this weekend.  It’s an interesting, I would venture to say providential, “coincidence,” that this review appears here on the feast day of St. Maria Goretti.  Eden in particular has an insightful chapter in her book My Peace I Give You on this much-known but little-understood saint. 

For Father’s Day: Great Dads in Fiction (A Re-Post)

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I’m re-running this post from 2010 because I had an idea to write a post like this for Father’s Day, and then I realized that I had already!  I thought it was worthwhile sharing again, and I’d love to hear your favorite dads in fiction.  Next year, I resolve to write a post for Mother’s Day on great moms in fiction, but I suspect that would be even harder to write.


When I had this idea for talking about great dads in fiction, I didn’t realize how hard it would be to come up with a number of great dads, or at least pretty good ones!


Many dads and moms in fiction I love are absent, dead or not a factor.  In others, the dad is considerably less than ideal, and that’s kind of the point.  But here’s a fair, by no means exhaustive, list of good and great dads to consider. 


I am indebted to my almost-teenaged daughter, who helped me immensely in ideas for great dads in the youth fiction in particular, especially why they are so good, and for helping in describing Emma’s father so well.


1.  Mr. Henry Woodhouse, Emma’s father, in Jane Austen’s Emma.  As those who know me know, I am a huge Austen fan, and I dearly love the novel and the title character.  Emma’s father is overly concerned about safety and health of those he loves, always fussing and forecasting doom.  While he is a bit of a comic character (but really, I ask you, who isn’t in Emma?), he is loving, kind and generous.  The love and respect shown to him by his daughter & future son-in-law by their decision to live at his house after marriage rather than have him separated even by a mile from his younger daughter, speaks volumes.


My husband has never read Emma, but enjoyed watching with my daughters this winter the excellent most recent adaptation that aired on PBS, and they took to calling him “Mr. Woodhouse” as he is a teensy bit of a worrier.  He could be heard to say on a number of occasions since then, “Are you not taking a scarf? You might get chilled.” and “No cake, especially for the children. There must not be cake.”



(Mr. Woodhouse looks kind of scary in this photo, but he’s really dear in the book, as well as in this excellent 2009 BBC adaptation of the novel.)


2.  Lavrans Bjorgulfsson, father of Kristin in Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset.  Lavrans is by no means perfect, but so real, like many fathers.  I find him honorable, steadfast, so realistic in many ways, from his work among his farmer tenants to his sacrificial work on behalf of his family, to his fierce loyalty to and protection of Kristin’s honor, both when she does and does not deserve it. 





3.  Father Francis Chisolm in A.J. Cronin’s The Keys of the Kingdom.  This fantastic novel follows the life of Father Francis’s entire life, though it primarily takes place and his missionary work in China.  The 1944 movie starred Gregory Peck, and while it is wonderful, it is a bit more pat and wrapped up nicely than the novel.  If you’ve seen the movie, give the book a try, and vice versa.


Why is Father Francis Chisolm such a great father/Father?  First, how he lives the Gospel through his life more than his words.  Second, Father Chisolm has a passionate, Catholic ecuminism that spans cultures and promotes the deepest kind of friendship.  Finaly, he is brave and good, and only wants the best for his spiritual children, both temporal and spiritual goods, and seeks to provide them.





4.  Caddie Woodlawn’s father in Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink.  This is a children’s book, but would be enjoyed by anyone.  He is noble, calm-headed, kind, but firm with his children.  I don’t want to give anything away from the novel (because if you haven’t read it, please do! It’s a treat!), but his American spirit of hard work and equality brings tears to my eyes whenever I read this children’s novel.



5.  Pa in The Little House books.  Pa’s total love of his family, his dear affection for his brood, is so charming and winning.  Most of us who grew up reading the books and watching the television show immediately think, “Where’s my little half-pint of sweet cider half drunk up?”





6.  Robert Ray, the father of Betsy Ray, the central characters in the Besty-Tacy series of books, that fabulous semi-autobiographical collection of stories by Maud Hart Lovelace. (For our family’s literary pilgrimage to the places that inspired the books, you can read all about it here.)  There are ten altogether in the series, set in early 20th century Minnesota; the firs four are best for younger kids, and the rest good for older kids and adults.  Mr. Ray is a benevolent, hardworking patriarch to three daughters, and lends a loving, mischievous paternal presence in these books full of fun and love.  In Betsy & Tacy Go Over the Big Hill, Mr. Ray successfully referees a “terrible” quarrel between Betsy, Tacy & Tib, and older sisters Julia and Katie.




Any great dads in fiction that you care to share?