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“Humility Rules” Offers Timeless, Convivial Advice

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The members of my family, God bless them, have to put up with me sharing so many personal development tips, tricks, and hacks. 

I really, truly enjoy books, articles, and podcasts about ways to improve one’s time management, relationships, energy levels, and much more. If you’re a person like me, you know what I mean, and how much you love to share what you are learning.

But depending on the source, there is something missing from “self-improvement” references, and I try to incorporate Catholic belief and practice into these often helpful guides. (That is why a book like The Mindful Catholic is especially helpful, integrating our Catholic faith & practice with evidence-based information about the benefits of mindfulness, because God made us that way).

A recent book that also integrates these themes well is the engaging and well-written Humility Rules: Saint Benedict’s Twelve-Step Guide to Genuine Self-Esteem, by J. Augustine Wetta, O.S.B. 

Fr. Wetta, a Benedictine monk of St. Louis Abbey in St. Louis, is a longtime writer and teacher.

Self-improvement gurus might recoil at the word “humility” in the title, but rightly understood, it is the key to holiness and happiness. 

As Fr. Wetta writes, humility is:

 “not focused on the self at all, but on how to relate to one another and to God in light of our strengths and weaknesses… (S)such clarity of vision begins to develop only when you take the focus off yourself and devote yourself body and soul to a higher purpose. … Genuine self-esteem is a form of holiness.”

Humility Rules is a modern take on The Rule of Saint Benedict, the famous sixth-century plan of life for monks. Since that time, countless religious communities have used The Rule as a basis for their communal life. Even families and small groups use The Rule to help organize their life along Christian and practical human principles. 

At first glance, Humility Rules seems to be the antithesis of the self-improvement or personal development genre. 

Indeed, Fr. Wetta’s modern “description of Saint Benedict’s “Ladder of Humility” begins with rules that are the opposite of the typical, Disney-movie type advice. For example, Step 2 is “Self-Denial,” and its description is “Don’t be true to yourself.” And Step 3, “Obedience,” is “Don’t follow your dreams.”

But that’s what makes “Humility Rules” so refreshing and versatile: a keen sense that what is most important in “personal improvement” is not one’s self, but a dependence on God, healthy awareness of our own shortcomings, a willingness to keep trying; and optimism and confidence in that knowledge.

“Humility Rules” structures itself around Saint Benedict’s “Ladder of Humility,” (a chapter within “The Rule”) twelve virtues that help promote holiness and flourishing.

Each chapter of the book covers a virtue, with an introduction, and stories and thoughts about the virtue in thought, word, and deed.

Fr. Wetta’s style is conversational and accessible without being too simplistic, likely because of his work as a high school teacher and coach. 

This highly readable quality makes the book ideal for young people; or— let’s be honest—for many of the rest of us who wish for more manageable reading during these Covid days when attention spans have been shortened.  

In the section, “Fear of God”: 

“So yes, it’s better to love God; but when you are not feeling the love, at least try to feel the fear.. .. it’s not the ideal, but it’s a start.”

Prudence: 

“A prudent person knows when to keep an open mind, and when to close it.”

Silence: 

“When you meet a wise person, listen to him and you will learn wisdom; when you meet a foolish person, listen to him and you will learn patience; when you are alone, listen to God, and you will learn everything else.”

Each chapter section ends with “homework.” So, for instance, in “Fear of God in Deed” the homework reads: “Secretly do someone else’s chores.” In “Perseverance in Thought,” — “Spend the whole day without correcting anyone.”  The homework offers great small, manageable ideas.

In an unusual feature, Humility Rules includes charming illustrations. 

Every few pages contains an illustration, either a painting or icon, with a subtle something extra added—-something you might not even notice. For instance, on the front cover, Saint Benedict is holding a skateboard. In a portion of an illustrated manuscript, a monk is shown speaking on a cellphone. In another illustration, monks ride a rollercoaster, in a mash-up of a photo and artwork. And the artwork was created by the author using works from museums & churches around the world. (The cover image was created by the author’s mother, a well-known painter).

There are so many good, quotable sentences and passages in Humility Rules. Readers who delve into the book will encounter many of those.  Here is one from the section “Reverence,” an appropriate “last word” in these strange times:  

“Let the name of Jesus be that silver bell for you—a reminder of who you are, where you stand, and what you stand for. Then, in the midst of all the chaos of life, when you start to feel lost, just whisper that name, and it will bring you back to yourself.”

Extraordinary Times Call for Extraordinary Calm

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Following is my column that appears in the current print edition of The Catholic Post.

Years ago, in a column here, I told the story I love about St. Charles Borremeo, the16th century saint and archbishop.

The story goes that he was playing cards with two priest friends. Someone near them asked what they would do if they knew the end of the world were to happen within an hour.

One priest said, “I would run to Church to be with our Lord.” The other priest said, “I would call upon the name of the Lord.”

St. Charles Borromeo said, “I would finish this game of cards.”

A few years ago, thinking of that was a nice reminder that if one’s life is well-ordered, whatever we are doing at the moment can be the right thing.

But thinking of that story during our extraordinary times is another thing.

Right now we see our world—not end, perhaps, but change in dramatic and enduring ways.

It is normal and even healthy to have genuine worries and concerns about what the coronavirus means for our families, our health care system and our world in the coming weeks and months.

But at the same time, we all would do well to pray (on repeat) the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

How do we achieve—or renew—that serenity? Many saints and other holy people struggled with distractions (think St. Therese of Lisieux) or “wandering of the mind” (St. Teresa of Avila), so those of us who do so as well are in good company.

We are fortunate that in our Catholic faith offers so many opportunities to reflect on beautiful things, from mysteries of the Rosary to Scripture to holy art. But what is a way to improve our attention to the present moment so we can focus on those?

A new book, The Mindful Catholic: Finding God One Moment at a Time, (and a companion children’s picture book) used evidence-based research to improve mindfulness and attention for the reader, from a Catholic perspective.

“The Mindful Catholic,” written by Dr. Gregory Bottaro, a clinical psychologist and director of the Catholic Psych Institute, is a helpful resource that demonstrates how mindfulness practiced from a Catholic perspective can be spiritually and psychologically fruitful. That is especially helpful in these unprecedented times.

“(M)indfulness does not mean turning off the thoughts in your mind, but using them a a door to greater awareness of yourself.”

-Dr. Gregory Bottaro, The Mindful Catholic

This quote shows one of the ways that Catholic mindfulness is vastly different from Eastern-based forms of meditation. The latter often instructs people to “empty” their minds. As Catholics, “we want to fill our minds with reality,” says Bottaro.

Practicing mindfulness is what actually changes a person’s brain, so the book offers exercises at the end of each chapter for readers to use to exercises and meditations.

Practicing mindfulness is what actually changes a person’s brain, so the book offers exercises at the end of each chapter for readers to use to exercises and meditations.

Surely I am not the only person whose mind wanders during a Rosary, Mass, or another prayer. Rather than getting frustrated with this wandering or “autopilot” mode, mindfulness allows for awareness of this, and tips to practice mindfulness.

Dr. Bottaro explains often that acceptance is key to encountering mindfulness—not fighting against our thoughts but having curiosity, and gently turning our thoughts back to what we intend, such as prayers that we are.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church even addresses distraction in prayer and how that “turning back” is a key part of prayer:

“The habitual difficulty in prayer is distraction. It can affect words and their meaning in vocal prayer; it can concern, more profoundly, him to whom we are praying, in vocal prayer (liturgical or personal), meditation, and contemplative prayer. To set about hunting down distractions would be to fall into their trap, when all that is necessary is to turn back to our heart.”

–Catechism of the Catholic Church 2729

The Mindful Catholic is full of research and other information about why mindfulness—“paying attention the present moment, without judgment or criticism” is so healthy for humans, and how God made us this way. Bottaro also offers exercises to practice every day to increase a readers ability in this area.

One phrase Dr. Bottaro repeats often and encourages readers to adopt, is “Ever-present God, here with me now, help me to be here with you.”

I have found both the written book and the audio book very helpful in different aspects of practicing mindfulness, and being aware of my thoughts without fighting them, as well as staying in the present moment.

Peter Kreeft, the prolific Catholic author and philosophy professor at Boston College, wrote the foreward. In his characteristic sensible style, he endorses the book as a way to help focus on prayer. “You can’t focus on God if you can’t focus,” Kreeft writes, and he is right.

The Mindful Catholic also includes two appendices—one an exploration of how mindfulness is eminently consistent with our Catholic faith & practice, of a Novena of Surrender to the Will of God.

There is also a companion book for children. It’s called, Sitting Like a Saint: Catholic Mindfulness with Kids, and Bottaro and his wife Linda—also a psychologist— co-authored this work. The book explores mindfulness helps kids to be calm even in the midst of chaos.

What I love best about this book is it really provides easy, bite-sized meditations for families to read through and pray to help calm and . Even though we do not have any little kids any more, both teens and adults at our house have found these brief reflections both calming and meditative as a precursor to prayer, or just to be a calming interlude in our day.

What Are You Reading for Lent?

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Lent is next week, and even though I’ve been allegedly “looking ahead” since right after Christmas, but I feel ill-prepared and not a bit “ready” for Lent, whether in body, or spirit, or in books.

Many books have arrived recently with Lenten themes, and I hope to review some of them, but this will not be happening before Lent, much as I’d like to be able to tell you about them.  They will have to be mid-Lent reading pick-me-ups, so look ahead for that.

Do you have a practice of spiritual reading for Lent?  I usually take out my well-worn copy of St. Francis de Sales Introduction to the Devout Life, and I will do so again.  I always get something new from it.

Last year, I highly recommended God Will Provide: How God’s Bounty Opened to Saints–And 9 Ways It can Open for You, Too by Patricia Treece, pointing out that the book “brims with wisdom and grace.”  I really love Paraclete Press books–they are always well-produced and just feel good in your hand, both because the size of the books feel “right” and the paper is very… I don’t know, I’m not a book-making expert–but the paper feels heavy and nice.

Here is my Q&A with Patricia  that ran last year.

Also last year, I blogged about the Prayer of St. Ephram. (And my friend Marcia also posted about this ancient prayer last week–well worth a look).   I’ll be printing off copies of this prayer to leave in conspicuous places (bathroom mirrors and such) for us to pray at our house.  Do you have a special prayer to say as a family during Lent?

If you might be looking around for Lenten reading, here are past reviews with some ideas:

2012:  This Lent, Let Mercy Lead

2011:  A Good Spiritual Library is a Hospital for the Soul

Finally, on the Lenten theme, one of my most popular posts is “Do Sundays Count During Lent”?  As I wrote there, I’m definitely in the taking-Sundays-off camp, but I’m always interested in hearing what other people and families do.

Do you have a plan for Lent?  Care to share?  I’d love to get some great ideas.

Meet a Reader: Katie Bogner

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I’m so delighted to feature a delightful young woman of my acquaintance–Katie Bogner–as this month’s Reader.  I got to know her a little through working on the Behold Conference together the last several years, and I wish I knew her better as she is very funny and spirited in person.  Katie blogs charmingly at Look to Him and Be Radiant. 

 How you know me:   I am blessed to spend all day as the teacher of the 5th graders at St. Joseph School in Pekin, and I also serve as the DRE at my parish, Immaculate Conception in Lacon.  You may have met me around the Diocese at one of the presentations that I have done for the Office of Catechetics “Let My People Come” Series.

Why I love reading:  I always like to say that people learn best through stories because we were created and immersed in a grand story.  Every book we read moves us outside of ourselves and gives us a glimpse of that story.  Whether it is as a journey into another world, a way to challenge and expand our minds, or as a source of inspiration in our faith, books can be tools to help us learn about who we are and the plans that God has for us.

What I’m reading now:  I just finished A Man for Others: Maximilian Kolbe, Saint of Auschwitz by Patricia Treece.  It was published the year that he was canonized, and while the book is threaded together by the author, the content is filled with firsthand accounts of people who knew him as a child, priest, and victim of Auschwitz. The countless interviews of those that witnessed St. Max’s life give a unique perspective on his incredible story.

A book that I couldn’t put down was The Breath of Dawn by Kristen Heitzmann.  It is a new emotion-packed inspirational thriller that makes a great stand-alone novel, but is actually the third in a series that was last published ten years ago.  Exploring grief, forgiveness, and the meaning of family, this would be a great book to enjoy on a snow day with a good cup of coffee.

My fifth graders and I just read Sign of the Beaver by Elizabeth George Speare, and we enjoyed discussing the problems young Matt faced and the hard decisions he had to make.  We all really liked this coming-of-age tale.

I also recently finished reading/rereading all of Jane Austen’s novels.  A group of friends and I worked through them over the course of a year, and we had a lot of fun comparing them to our modern culture, which doesn’t always seem that different from Austen’s world.

Next on my stack is St. Thérèse: A Treasured Love Story, which is a collection of sermons given by Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen about one of his favorite Saints.  I am enjoying his view into her life, as well as his various teachings about prayer, suffering, being a saint, and spiritual warfare.

My favorite book:  My favorite fiction has to be the O’Malley Series by Dee Henderson.  Favorite non-fiction is a little harder to choose; maybe My Life with the Saints by Fr. James Martin or The World’s First Love by Fulton Sheen or A Father Who Keeps His Promises by Scott Hahn.  There are just too many great books to pick one!

Jane Austen Monday: Various and Sundry Sharing

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No, I’m not starting a new blog series of Jane Austen Monday, though I would dearly love to.  I just wanted to share some links before this month ends.  January 2013 marks the 200th anniversary of the publication of Austen’s Pride &Prejudice.  As longtime readers will know here, Austen is probably my favorite author and I read and re-read her books regularly.  I have at least four shelves on two different bookcases full of multiple copies of her novels (including The Oxford Illustrated Jane Austen, a present from my husband several years back), biographies, graphic novel versions, retellings and so forth.

I discovered from getting the newsletter of the Jane Austen Centre that it was planning a live reading of P&P.  I can’t seem to find the latest news on the read-a-thon (here is an earlier story about it), but I think it is a great idea, and I would enjoy getting to stream parts of it if they still do it.

Earlier this month my daughters and I hosted a Jane Austen tea party that was surprisingly fun for all ages.  We had lots of tea, some of my favorite scones. My cell phone photos snapped throughout the day did not turn out very well.  I’m sure that is shocking and never happens to you.  So I’m sharing images and video here from around the web.

We played the “Pride & Prejudice” board game, available from the game designer here.  Actually, the moms were busy visiting and laughing in the kitchen, so none of us got to play the game.  The teens and little girls played the game.  From what I can gather, it was quite a competitive event.  Very fun. (and yes, I would love to get A Christmas Carol game made by the same company, in case anyone is looking for present ideas for me for next Christmas).

On the subject of Jane Austen-inspired games, here is a link to a Jane Austen trivia game.  I may have to add this to my wish list for next year’s party, though nothing can top the P&P board game, in my mind.

More details from the party:

Food and drink.  We had many kinds of tea, as well as hot chocolate.  But the tea was the biggest hit, even for the younger ones.

This mug, also a gift from my husband, reads, “There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort.”  This was actually not used at the party, since I had out our “good” china teacups, and various other assorted proper teacups (with saucers).

I made my famous scones in two versions: plain cream scones, and cinnamon chip scones.  How I make my scones is a state secret. Actually, it’s too complicated for me to share in a n online recipe.  If any of the party-goers would like to know how to make my scones, I would be glad to have you over for a personal tutorial.

My favorite find of the last year was a recipe for homemade cinnamon chip scones.  They absolutely make the scones!  Here the DIY recipe that I basically use–I don’t think I changed anything.  (I am infamous for changing recipes a little here or there, which is what makes my scone recipe so unreliable read off the page).

I also made (and changed slightly) Pippa Middleton’s Millionaire Shortbread (this is a link to Pippa’s tumblr recipe for it; unfortunately, it’s in British measures, but this is the recipe).  This is from her newish book, Celebrations, that I picked up off the new books shelf at our local library.  It’s actually a really nicely done book–reminiscent of Martha Stewart books, but not quite as fussy.

When I was cutting the layered shortbread the night before the party, my husband and I sampled it, and we thought “meh.”  I was sort of annoyed to have spent the time and butter for it, because as I said, plain shortbread would have been just fine.

Apparently a night’s rest does wonders for the stuff, because it was the huge hit of the party and praised by everyone, and there were not even crumbs left over.  I tried some again when everyone was raving about how good it was, and I did like it better.

I also enlisted a friend who volunteered to come early to make cucumber sandwiches.  She had several teens on an assembly line, and they turned out two terrific versions of cucumber sandwiches.  I don’t have a photo of them, unfortunately!

I had put on the invitation that promptly at 3 p.m., we would start a showing of the 1995 BBC version of Pride & Prejudice (the Colin Firth version).  I thought perhaps a few of the teens and moms not too busy would want to stay, but it was a busy weekend.  It turns out it was just the Picciones, so we opted to wait until everyone left shortly before 5 p.m. to start watching.  We only got through the first DVD of this (meaning the first 3 hours) that day, and still haven’t watched the rest.  We really need to finish it before the month is out.

Now for one more book to relate specifically to Jane Austen in the modern culture.  Last year,  I received a review copy of The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After by Elizabeth Kantor.  Kantor argues compellingly how Jane Austen-manners (not dancing the right way or wearing Regency gowns, but rather guarding your emotions, learn about potential partners within the context of your family & friends, and so forth).  It’s a pretty sensible guide, but definitely meant for college or post-college aged women. Worth a read!

Do you have an obsession for Jane Austen, like me?  What are you doing to celebrate the 200th Anniversary of Pride & Prejudice?

Finally, here is one super sweet British video about the lure of Jane Austen and Bath.  Makes me want to go back right now.

First, What Are You Reading? New Year’s Edition (Volume 29)

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Well, I jumped the gun a little by doing my traditional new year’s post several days back, so I’m going to re-post here as my “first, what are you reading?” since it’s a survey about what were my favorite books of 2012, and resolutions for the new year.  I’d love to hear yours!

Faith at “Strewing”answered a series of book-related questions about the books she read this year, and that inspired me to come up with a quick list of questions related to books and invite you to share your favorites, too.

I want to clarify that I do always recommend all of the books that I review, and you can find them all in the book review tab up at the top of the blog.  (Note:  I need to add the last few months, but I resolve to do so as a year’s end housekeeping).

So here is my 2012 Book Survey and Reading Resolutions for 2013.  Please share your answers on your own blog, or here in the comments if you are so inclined. Happy reading!

What was the most important/best book that you read this year?

I’ve got two here, and I reviewed them both in my July column: Adam and Eve After the Pill: Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.  Must reads.

What book was most spiritually fruitful for you this year?

God Will Provide by Patricia Treece is a tremendous book.

What was the most enjoyable read this year?

Two memoirs come to mind.  Amy Welborn’s Wish You Were Here and Colleen Carroll Campbell’s My Sisters the Saints were both great reads.

Actually, I really enjoyed and found lots to ponder from all the memoirs I read this year, from Alberto Salazar’s 14 Minutes to Chris Haw’s From Willow Creek to Sacred Heart.  

What was the favorite book you read (or re-read) this year?

Re-reading (and reading out loud to my children) Tolkien’s The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy has been a highlight.

What are your reading resolutions for the new year?

I have three:

Get more organized. Just in the last few weeks, I’ve started a list for review books that I add to each time books come in with the title, author and publisher.  If I get a chance to glance through it or even read it, I give it a grade and a couple of notes about the book.

I also hope to get up to speed on GoodReads or one of the other websites to help organize reading with everything I am reading, including with the kids, and books I want to share with my husband.  For many months, I kept a book log on my phone of all the books I read–usually a dozen or more a month, yay me!– but I’ve gotten out of that habit and I need to do so again.  I find it so satisfying to look back at the list of all that I have read.

Get more opinions.  I really enjoy getting to host other bloggers or other people reviewing books, and I want to make that a bigger part of Reading Catholic next year.  I really hope to tap into the local Catholic community for this, and have more voices chime in on all the great books out there.

Share more in real life.  I am determined to start an in-real-life book group again, and this one will not be about Catholic books–there, I said it!  I am definitely up for the fun I had several years back with a now-defunct Jane Austen book group.  I need that kind of talk and enjoyment with fellow readers.

What about you?  What are your favorite reads from 2012, and are you making any reading resolutions for 2013?