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“Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” Explores Boundaries with Grace

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This is my column that appears in this week’s print edition of The Catholic Post.

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Most people understand that health is a lifelong practice on a physical level—you don’t “get healthy” once and then abandon the healthy habits that led to it, such as as eating well, getting adequate sleep, exercise, and reducing stress. Our bodies, our lives, are gifts from God, and as disciples, we are called to take care of them.

We can always be learning new things about health. But two things are key to remember:

  1. Just reading about healthy habits doesn’t make you healthy. You have to put them into practice.
  2. There are great, good, and bad (or at minimum less than helpful) sources of advice. We are each responsible for sifting what is good from what is bad involves discernment.

These principles are just as true — even more so — for our mental health. And an important mental health habit is having good boundaries—healthy limits on our relationships, ourselves, and on our interactions with others.

A boundary can be as simple as saying no to a volunteer commitment (often something good!) to prevent burnout or overextending yourself. It can also be as complicated as putting limits on time spent with a coworker or friend who refuses to or ignores clearly articulated requests.

“Boundaries” are often misunderstood (and misused), especially in our current time of mental health gurus with questionable authority. A new book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Christian author Lysa TerKeurst, explores the concept of boundaries from a Christian and mental health perspective.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes persuasively makes the case that learning to be healthier about boundaries is good not just for our emotional wellbeing, but honoring to God and neighbor.

But that doesn’t make boundaries easy! Far from it. And Terkeurst writes from experience.

She went through a painful divorce after years of her spouse’s addiction issues. Processing her grief during and after helped her realize she lacked healthy boundaries not just in marriage, but in friendships and other relationships.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes explores what boundaries are, how to understand them, and how to implement them in various situations.

While Terkeurst is not Catholic, nothing in the book is contrary to Catholic teaching. And I appreciated her faith-based perspective, her emphasis on Scripture verses throughout, and her exploration through Scripture of the ways God enacts boundaries with humans as a way to protect and preserve relationships.

“I know part of what makes this complicated is that usually by the time we realize we need boundaries, we are carrying hurt,” Terkeurst writes. “Boundaries aren’t meant to be weaponized. They are meant to be used to prioritize keeping relationships safe.”

Several features makes Good Boundaries and Goodbyes stand out: a section at the end of each chapter called “Let’s Live This,” with Scripture verses to ponder, key quotes to remember, questions for personal reflection, and prayers.

The book also includes multiple sidebars of careful explanation of topics from TerKeurst’s Christian therapist, Jim Cress.

Especially useful is a section at the end of the book containing Q&A style explanations and sample “scripts” in refuting objections to boundaries and the Scriptural and psychological principles that undergirds them.

I’ve written often about how caring for our mental health is vital in living out a full, abundant life. Simply being Catholic or practicing our faith does not guarantee the absence of mental health struggles. We need to educate ourselves, and do the hard work of putting what we learn into practice. Good Boundaries and Goodbyes makes that work a little easier.

“Exorcism” Book a Powerful and Well-Reasoned Read on Why We Should Choose Good Over Evil

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This is my column that appears in this week’s print edition of The Catholic Post.

When I mentioned to my editor, Jen, that I was considering reviewing a book on exorcism, she said it would be timely because there’s a related new film out. It’s called “The Pope’s Exorcist,” and the movie is (very) loosely based on the life of exorcist Fr. Gabriele Amorth, an exorcist of Rome for many years before his death in 2016.

I say loosely because after watching the preview online (a mistake, but I’ll get to that later), I immediately thought about a line from Fr. Vincent Lampert’s recent book Exorcism: The Battle Against Satan and His Demons:

“(Exorcisms) are never performed in an abandoned house, on a dead-end street, at midnight, during a thunderstorm. That might make for a good movie, but it is not reality.”

After watching the preview, it’s clear that “The Pope’s Exorcist” doesn’t line up with reality. And since I’m not a fan of horror films, that movie is a hard pass from me.

Why I Did End Up Reviewing a Book About Exorcism

But why would I be interested in, or want to review, a book about exorcism? Two reasons:

*First, I heard a podcast interview recently with Fr. Lampert, the author of Exorcism, and I found him sensible, restrained, and well-spoken, infused with a good sense of humor. That last quality is a surprisingly helpful and good quality in an exorcist, especially one who has written a book about his experiences.

*Second, because of the classic C.S. Lewis quote from the preface to The Screwtape Letters, his book imagining letters between demons on how to tempt humans:

“There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them.”

Exorcism: The Battle Against Satan and His Demons tells the story of how Fr. Lampert became an exorcist for the diocese of Indianapolis, how he was trained, and all about exorcisms, the presence of evil and how to avoid it.

If you’re wondering— yes, Fr. Lampert does share some of the chilling and appalling encounters he has experienced during exorcisms. But the book’s strengths lie in educating readers —ultimately — how to have a healthy, well-integrated spirituality that neither ignores the reality of evil, nor over-emphasizes it.

Why Faith is So Important

“The key ingredient in defeating the devil is faith,” Fr. Lampert writes.

One of the most intriguing chapters was “Practical Insights from the Gospel of Mark”; Fr. Lampert details four exorcisms in Mark’s Gospel, and the spiritual insights we can glean from them.

Other chapters of the book explain the rite of exorcism, the different ways the devil inserts himself into our world, but throughout, explaining how God desires what’s best for us, and the devil wants us to be as miserable as he is.

“God wants a sense of cohesion and unity in his creation. The devil just wants a bunch of broken pieces,” says Lampert.

For those interested in modern spiritual reading that is both informative and thoughtful, Fr. Lampert’s book is an absorbing and reassuring read.

“A Catholic Guide to Managing Your Money” Offers Sensible, Values-Driven Approach to Personal Finance

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This is my column that appears in this week’s print edition of The Catholic Post. It also appears at my personal finance website Your Money Mom. I invite your feedback!

You know that feeling when two worlds collide? I experienced that recently—in a good way.
It happened when I learned of the new book by Amanda and Jonathan Teixeira, “How to Attack Debt, Build Savings, and Change the World Through Generosity: A Catholic Guide to Managing Your Money,” which, as the title implies, integrates financial skills and planning into a Catholic faith context.

Amanda and Jonathan’s Teixeira’s new book.


Because of my longtime interest in finance, in recent years I’ve been freelance writing on personal finance and other topics; helping people as a financial coach; and enjoying being what like-minded people call a “money nerd.”


I’ve attended the FinCon gathering for financial professionals several times; at the 2019 event, I met Jonathan and Amanda Teixeira. I’m in a different stage of life than they are, but I appreciated connecting with a young couple who—like me—have a strong Catholic faith that informs their money journey.

Now the Teixeiras have written a helpful book on their approach to personal finance: How to Attack Debt, Build Savings, and Change the World Through Generosity: A Catholic Guide to Managing Your Money. The book is based on their online community—called Wallet Win—geared to helping people get on track with money.


The book is a mix of practical, balanced finance advice and personal stories. The Teixeiras alternate narrating sections, infusing their appealing personalities into what can be dry or confusing topics.

While not written only for Catholics—the book is useful for most—Catholic values infuse the book. Each chapter begins with a Scripture quote, and sprinkled throughout are quotes from saints, popes, and the Catechism of the Catholic Church.


One example:


“When we, as Catholics, give our whole lives to God, that means we live our lives in a way that gives God glory at all times, no matter what we’re doing. German priest, theologian, and Servant of God Romano Guardini said that even the way we climb a tree should show our love for Christ. Similarly, the way we use every cent entrusted to us should be influenced by our faith.”

The Texeiras also share stories related to money from their dating and married life, including arguments on their honeymoon, mistakes in communicating and spending money, and creativity in financing the adoption of their children.

Organization of How to Attack Debt, Build Savings, & Change the World Through Generosity


The book is divided into five parts:

  • Getting Started (the basics of how they approach money);
  • Establish Your Financial Foundation (how to improve mindset, learn to budget; and develop an emergency fund);
  • Gain Momentum With Your Money (including debt payoff and money goals);
  • Grow Your Wealth (about investing, saving for retirement and kids’ college); and
  • Live Financial Freedom (giving generously and intentionally).

Interspersed throughout are encouraging “success stories” from Wallet Win students—married couples and singles—who share how they learned to manage money well.

An emphasis is placed on the primacy of paying off debt, especially credit card debt and other “bad” debt, in order to live more securely and abundantly, both in spending and in giving.

“Debt ties your money up in the past instead of letting it work for you in the present and for your future,” they write.

Living Generosity

I appreciated the attention A Catholic Guide to Managing Your Money gives to improving mindset related to money. That’s because understanding one’s ingrained beliefs about money can have a significant effect—positive or negative—on financial health.

An especially thought-provoking chapter is “Live Generously” which outlines the importance of giving. As the Teixeiras write, “Our big goal for getting you financially healthy is for you to be as generous as possible.”

A Catholic Guide to Managing Money is most worthwhile for people at the beginning of their financial journeys, as well as a useful re-set for those in debt, or anyone interested in a solid overview of money management.

I do not agree with every recommendation in the book; for instance, whether or not you should pay off your mortgage, or when you should start saving for retirement. (My view: it’s never too early. That’s why teens who have jobs should also open Roth IRAs. Apologies for the “money nerd” digression). But these are minor.

Just like there are many ways to be Catholic and live out Catholic faith, there are many sensible, virtuous, and exemplary ways to manage money. The more you learn about money matters in a thoughtful and balanced way, the more you can make your own sensible financial decisions.

Amanda and Jonathan Teixeira’s book is a great first step, and a solidly Catholic one, to start on or to continue that journey.

In addition to appearing in The Catholic Post this week, this review also appears on Your Money Mom.

“St. Dymphna’s Playbook” Offers Hope, Solidarity on Mental Health Struggles

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This is my column that appears in this week’s print edition of The Catholic Post.

Like most people, I am grateful to live in a time when mental health issues are discussed openly. In decades past, these topics were often minimized or stigmatized. And in some religious circles, mental health struggles could be overly spiritualized, and sometimes prayer was presented as the only solution.

At the same time, right now there is such a plethora of mental health resources and voices—especially on social media—that it’s challenging to distinguish the helpful from the less than helpful.

Sometimes, these voices—professionals or non-professionals—can pathologize nearly everything and everyone, even relatively normal struggles or relationships; they can promote a one-size-fits-all approach to all mental health issues; and they can be unreceptive or even hostile to sincere faith being a major element in a person’s integrated and well-ordered life. It can take a lot of effort to sift through the chaff for the wheat.

Tommy Tighe’s newest book: St. Dymphna’s Playbook

That’s why I am so grateful to Tommy Tighe, a licensed marriage and family therapist, for writing St. Dymphna’s Playbook: A Catholic Guide to Finding Mental and Emotional Well-Being,” and providing a much-needed Catholic perspective.

Tighe wrote St. Dymphna’s Playbook “to fill the void of Catholic conversations about mental health.”

St. Dymphna, for those who do not know her, is the saint who’s often invoked for those with mental health issues, and for their caregivers and loved ones. (Tighe’s podcast is also titled “St. Dymphna’s Playbook.”)

“God wills that everyone be saved, not just from sin and evil but also from depression, anxiety, past trauma, difficult relationships, heartbreak, addiction, and everything else that brings us pain, suffering, and separation from the love and peace God so desperately want to give us,” Tighe writes in the introduction.

St. Dymphna’s Playbook is divided into five sections: Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Relationships, and Grief. Each section has sub-chapters that cover one aspect of the subject: for instance, “Fatigue” and “Irritability” are two of the chapters under “Depression.” “Manipulative Relationships” is one chapter in the “Relationships” section.

Each chapter has a phrase that echoes John 11:3, when Jesus’ disciples report to him about Lazarus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

So, for instance, in the Anxiety section, one chapter is titled: “Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: The One You Love is Battling Intrusive Thoughts.” And a chapter of the Depression Section is “Irritability: Lord, The One You Love is Annoyed.”

Each section includes several aspects of a mental health disorder, such as a description of what the symptoms or diagnosis actually is; practical, healthy coping skills everyone can try; a brief exploration of what our faith and the saints have to say about the experience; and a list of key points in summary.

One of my favorite features is “What the Saints Say About …” . This chapter section profiles a saint who either did or may have suffered from that condition. In the Anhedonia (lack of feeling) chapter under Depression, Tighe discusses St. Mother Teresa and her decades-long struggle with spiritual darkness. Tighe also writes beautifully about the life of Venerable Matt Talbot, an early 20th century Irishman who overcame alcoholism and who said, “It’s as hard to give up the drink as it is to raise the dead to life again.”

St. Dymphna’s Playbook is not a self-help book or a textbook, or a prescription for those struggling. It’s a worthwhile resource from a competent, Catholic source, and from a healthy Catholic perspective.

“While there are coping skills within this book for the various mental health experiences we may be going through, this book doesn’t intend to solve all our problems.” Tighe writes. “My hope is that this book provides the impetus for our Catholic Church to bring our mental health struggles out into the open without stigma and with a plan for moving forward.”

Companion reads:

Two recently-published books are excellent complementary reads with St. Dymphna’s Playbook.

Awakening at Lourdes by Christy Wilkens

In Awakening at Lourdes: How an Unanswered Prayer Healed Our Family & Restored Our Faith, Christy Wilkens writes expressively about her sixth child’s struggle with complex medical issues, her spiritual and emotional journey; and how a pilgrimage to Lourdes transformed her life.

Awakening at Lourdes is fascinating even just as a detailed account of what happens on a Lourdes pilgrimage, But more than that, it’s a profoundly personal journey of a deepening faith, and a reminder to all that “None of us is meant to endure the trials of this life alone.”

Meg Hunter-Kilmer’s Pray for Us.

Meg Hunter-Kilmer’s newest book, Pray for Us: 75 Saints Who Sinned, Suffered, and Struggled on Their Way to Holiness might be quickly described as a “grown-up” version of her excellent Saints Around the World, which she wrote mostly for younger readers.

In Pray for Us, Hunter-Kilmer writes in more detail about saints whose lives were “complicated” in various ways, but in such an engaging way that it’s easy to see how many beautiful and unconventional ways there are to be a saint and live out a life of faith.

Pray for Us includes more detail about the lives of a wide variety of saints, with sections including “Saints Who Defied Expectations,” Saints With Difficult Families,” “Saints Whose Ruined Plans Open the Way to More Beautiful Things,” “Saints Who Were Failures,” and more.

All three books provide a powerful reminder for Catholics: the knowledge that we are not alone in our struggles and sufferings.

As Tighe writes, it’s “less about having an answer for everything and more about trying to foster a Catholic community where we suffer together, unafraid to walk forward with our sisters and brothers through their valley of tears.… You are never alone. Help and hope are always out there.”

“Humility Rules” Offers Timeless, Convivial Advice

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The members of my family, God bless them, have to put up with me sharing so many personal development tips, tricks, and hacks. 

I really, truly enjoy books, articles, and podcasts about ways to improve one’s time management, relationships, energy levels, and much more. If you’re a person like me, you know what I mean, and how much you love to share what you are learning.

But depending on the source, there is something missing from “self-improvement” references, and I try to incorporate Catholic belief and practice into these often helpful guides. (That is why a book like The Mindful Catholic is especially helpful, integrating our Catholic faith & practice with evidence-based information about the benefits of mindfulness, because God made us that way).

A recent book that also integrates these themes well is the engaging and well-written Humility Rules: Saint Benedict’s Twelve-Step Guide to Genuine Self-Esteem, by J. Augustine Wetta, O.S.B. 

Fr. Wetta, a Benedictine monk of St. Louis Abbey in St. Louis, is a longtime writer and teacher.

Self-improvement gurus might recoil at the word “humility” in the title, but rightly understood, it is the key to holiness and happiness. 

As Fr. Wetta writes, humility is:

 “not focused on the self at all, but on how to relate to one another and to God in light of our strengths and weaknesses… (S)such clarity of vision begins to develop only when you take the focus off yourself and devote yourself body and soul to a higher purpose. … Genuine self-esteem is a form of holiness.”

Humility Rules is a modern take on The Rule of Saint Benedict, the famous sixth-century plan of life for monks. Since that time, countless religious communities have used The Rule as a basis for their communal life. Even families and small groups use The Rule to help organize their life along Christian and practical human principles. 

At first glance, Humility Rules seems to be the antithesis of the self-improvement or personal development genre. 

Indeed, Fr. Wetta’s modern “description of Saint Benedict’s “Ladder of Humility” begins with rules that are the opposite of the typical, Disney-movie type advice. For example, Step 2 is “Self-Denial,” and its description is “Don’t be true to yourself.” And Step 3, “Obedience,” is “Don’t follow your dreams.”

But that’s what makes “Humility Rules” so refreshing and versatile: a keen sense that what is most important in “personal improvement” is not one’s self, but a dependence on God, healthy awareness of our own shortcomings, a willingness to keep trying; and optimism and confidence in that knowledge.

“Humility Rules” structures itself around Saint Benedict’s “Ladder of Humility,” (a chapter within “The Rule”) twelve virtues that help promote holiness and flourishing.

Each chapter of the book covers a virtue, with an introduction, and stories and thoughts about the virtue in thought, word, and deed.

Fr. Wetta’s style is conversational and accessible without being too simplistic, likely because of his work as a high school teacher and coach. 

This highly readable quality makes the book ideal for young people; or— let’s be honest—for many of the rest of us who wish for more manageable reading during these Covid days when attention spans have been shortened.  

In the section, “Fear of God”: 

“So yes, it’s better to love God; but when you are not feeling the love, at least try to feel the fear.. .. it’s not the ideal, but it’s a start.”

Prudence: 

“A prudent person knows when to keep an open mind, and when to close it.”

Silence: 

“When you meet a wise person, listen to him and you will learn wisdom; when you meet a foolish person, listen to him and you will learn patience; when you are alone, listen to God, and you will learn everything else.”

Each chapter section ends with “homework.” So, for instance, in “Fear of God in Deed” the homework reads: “Secretly do someone else’s chores.” In “Perseverance in Thought,” — “Spend the whole day without correcting anyone.”  The homework offers great small, manageable ideas.

In an unusual feature, Humility Rules includes charming illustrations. 

Every few pages contains an illustration, either a painting or icon, with a subtle something extra added—-something you might not even notice. For instance, on the front cover, Saint Benedict is holding a skateboard. In a portion of an illustrated manuscript, a monk is shown speaking on a cellphone. In another illustration, monks ride a rollercoaster, in a mash-up of a photo and artwork. And the artwork was created by the author using works from museums & churches around the world. (The cover image was created by the author’s mother, a well-known painter).

There are so many good, quotable sentences and passages in Humility Rules. Readers who delve into the book will encounter many of those.  Here is one from the section “Reverence,” an appropriate “last word” in these strange times:  

“Let the name of Jesus be that silver bell for you—a reminder of who you are, where you stand, and what you stand for. Then, in the midst of all the chaos of life, when you start to feel lost, just whisper that name, and it will bring you back to yourself.”

What Are You Reading for Lent?

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Lent is next week, and even though I’ve been allegedly “looking ahead” since right after Christmas, but I feel ill-prepared and not a bit “ready” for Lent, whether in body, or spirit, or in books.

Many books have arrived recently with Lenten themes, and I hope to review some of them, but this will not be happening before Lent, much as I’d like to be able to tell you about them.  They will have to be mid-Lent reading pick-me-ups, so look ahead for that.

Do you have a practice of spiritual reading for Lent?  I usually take out my well-worn copy of St. Francis de Sales Introduction to the Devout Life, and I will do so again.  I always get something new from it.

Last year, I highly recommended God Will Provide: How God’s Bounty Opened to Saints–And 9 Ways It can Open for You, Too by Patricia Treece, pointing out that the book “brims with wisdom and grace.”  I really love Paraclete Press books–they are always well-produced and just feel good in your hand, both because the size of the books feel “right” and the paper is very… I don’t know, I’m not a book-making expert–but the paper feels heavy and nice.

Here is my Q&A with Patricia  that ran last year.

Also last year, I blogged about the Prayer of St. Ephram. (And my friend Marcia also posted about this ancient prayer last week–well worth a look).   I’ll be printing off copies of this prayer to leave in conspicuous places (bathroom mirrors and such) for us to pray at our house.  Do you have a special prayer to say as a family during Lent?

If you might be looking around for Lenten reading, here are past reviews with some ideas:

2012:  This Lent, Let Mercy Lead

2011:  A Good Spiritual Library is a Hospital for the Soul

Finally, on the Lenten theme, one of my most popular posts is “Do Sundays Count During Lent”?  As I wrote there, I’m definitely in the taking-Sundays-off camp, but I’m always interested in hearing what other people and families do.

Do you have a plan for Lent?  Care to share?  I’d love to get some great ideas.