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The Catholic Post

When is a 74-year-old Nun More Interesting than the COO of Facebook?

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Coincidentally, my review copy of The Ear of the Heart: An Actress’ Journey from Hollywood to Holy Vows by Mother Dolores Hart arrived the same day as inter-library loan delivered  Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg. That was interesting.

You’re going to have to trust me on this one: a 74-year-old cloistered nun speaks more clearly and significantly to our time than the COO of Facebook.

I don’t come to bury Sandberg but to (sort of) praise her. She works mightily to promote the laudable goal of women succeeding in the workforce, and the outside and self-made obstacles that prevent that. 

But try as she might, Sandberg writes Lean In chiefly for other uber-successful full-time professionals, and for those who want to be. Yes, she gives some lip service to supporting women’s choice to be out of the paid work force, but can we be honest? Not a whole bunch.

I found myself not so much pondering what Sandberg would think of at-home-mom me for not putting my M.S.J. to full-time work. I’m older than her and both secure in my choices and welcoming of other women’s choices.

Instead, I wondered: whatever would Sheryl Sandberg make of Mother Dolores Hart?

On the surface, Mother Dolores breaks pretty much all of Sandberg’s rules in Lean In about women and success. She “leans out” instead of “leaning in” by leaving Hollywood in the 1960s–just as her acting career was taking off–to enter Regina Laudis, a Benedictine monastery of nuns in Connecticut. Perhaps more accurately, Mother Dolores “leans in” to a life far more influential and powerful than the typical career in Hollywood or elsewhere.

Over a long and varied life, Mother Dolores Hart develops spiritual wisdom and realism about the world and human life, born from a life of disciplined Benedictine prayer and work. That’s what makes The Ear of the Heart truly much more relevant for our time than the rather narrow message of Lean In.

The Ear of the Heart offers space for pondering and reflection, no matter your age or life path, on living life fully and intentionally, on spiritual friendship, and on maturity.

Like all good spiritual autobiographies, The Ear of the Heart really takes off once the vocation begins. Struggles with early doubts, times of desolation, community struggles and more, make for fascinating reading.

The book is bursting with spiritual nuggets. Consider part of a much longer passage of Mother Dolores reflecting on the value of prayer in coping with pain:

“God did not create us to suffer. He made us for joy and goodness, and He made the body to be a container of beauty. I believe He wants our body to be a treasure. If not, why would God want His Son to be part of humanity? When we are in pain our only answer is to stay in that identification with God’s Son, who transformed pain through love.”

The book is co-written with Mother Dolores Hart’s longtime friend and Hollywood insider Richard DeNeut. Their back-and-forth informal conversation through the book offers both a unique structure and the ability for other voices–of Hart’s friends, family and fellow nuns–to “speak” in the book in a natural way.

What did I find most surprising about The Ear of the Heart? How, once upon a time, so many major Hollywood stars were serious Catholics or converts to Catholicism. May it be so once again.

—- Briefly noted: An interesting cultural connection with The Ear of the Heart: When I read about one of the Regina Laudis nuns, Sister Noelle, who is well-known in natural-foods circles for her cheese-making and research into cheese, I thought her name sounded familiar.

Then I realized Sister Noelle, the “cheese nun,” was favorably profiled in food writer Michael Pollan’s latest book, Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation.

Food Rules is still my favorite Michael Pollan book, for many reasons, but Cooked had much of value to say about family and the importance of real cooking and people eating together. At times it felt like Pollan was channeling G.K. Chesterton, so much does he stress the value of families eating home-cooked meals together.  And his time with Sister Noelle makes me want to try to make my own cheese (but, being honest, I’m more likely to try homemade yogurt or perhaps kimchee if I’m feeling really brave).

A more common exclamation as I read through The Ear of the Heart, was, “This is a real-life In This House of Brede.” Fiction lovers may find of interest Rumer Godden’s In This House of Brede, her account of many decades in the lives of nuns in an English Benedictine monastery.

Godden is a beautiful as well as melancholy writer, and In This House of Brede is probably best among her books for adults. But feel free to skip the 1975 film with Diana Rigg, which does justice to neither the book nor Benedictine life and spirituality.

Q&A with Robin Davis, author of “Recipe for Joy”

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Here is my Q&A with Robin Davis, author of Recipe for Joy.    As you can tell from my review from the last edition of The Catholic Post (click here to read that), I really enjoyed the book, and I enjoyed e-chatting with Robin about her book, faith and food, even after I learned (see final question) she is one of the rare people who doesn’t like the chocolate chip flavors at Graeter’s Ice Cream.  I’m not holding it against her (and if you’re a Graeter’s fan, you know what I mean).  Thanks, Robin!

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Q. Robin, tell readers more about yourself, your family and your work.

I’m the food editor at the Columbus Dispatch (that’s right in the middle of Ohio). I grew up in Dayton, but moved to California as soon as I graduated from college – I was one of those people who couldn’t wait to “escape.”

I went to cooking school, then worked for Bon Appetit magazine and the San Francisco Chronicle. It was a great life, but I felt something was missing. After my father died, I moved back to Ohio to be closer to my family, my sister in particular. That’s when I met my husband who was a widower with three young children.

Q. Recipe for Joy is such a great read about your life going from single living in the city to a wife, step-mom and Catholic convert. You talk about one of the challenges of going from living alone to in a family was the bigger messes that a family of five creates. (With a sick child right now, I’m pondering that having sick kids must have been a shock to your system.) What has been the best and worst parts of being a mom from someone who never intended to be one?

A.  Having a sick child is definitely one of the hardest parts. But here’s another thing I didn’t plan on: getting sick myself. Before I was married, I got a cold about once a year. That was it. But living with three young children meant I caught everything they did – sometimes twice.

The hardest part of parenthood for me was doubting myself. I felt like I had to have all the answers, and I just didn’t. It took a long time for me to realize that no one does, and longer still for me to recognize it was OK to tell the kids I didn’t know the answer or that I was wrong about an answer I’d given them.

The best part? Never being lonely. There is an energy to living in a family that I just didn’t get living alone.

Q. One of the things I liked best about Recipe for Joy is when you shared about your sense of not fitting in–of being a step-mom versus what you at first call a “real” mom; of being a working mom among stay-at-home moms, etc. I think all moms–really, all women–can relate to that. What’s the remedy for that, or how have you learned to manage it?

The solution for me was to not look at how I was different, but to look at similarities. I may not have given birth to these three, but all the parents I knew juggled getting their kids to various activities.

Maybe I was one of the few working moms among the kids’ friends parents, but I can’t think of a single mom who didn’t struggle with getting dinner on the table every night or worry about their kids eating a healthful diet.

Q. You’ve written about how supportive your husband was about the book. What do your children think of the book?

The kids have been wonderful. I let them read the proposal before I sent it out to publishers to make sure they understood what I was going to write about. I asked them questions about some of the things in the book to see how their memories compared to mine. And I asked them to read the finished manuscript before I sent it to Loyola Press.

It gave us excellent starting points for conversations that I’m not sure we might have had otherwise.

Q. As I wrote in my review, when I finished the appetizer chapter, I made the prosciutto-wrapped asparagus. I actually went out that day to buy the ingredients for friends who were coming over the next evening. It was easy to make and a huge hit (among the asparagus-eaters). What other recipes “must” I try from the book?

You have to try the Baked Goat Cheese Salad. We make an easier version several times a week with just crumbled goat cheese and whatever fruit we have on hand whether it’s the dried cranberries or fresh apples or even berries. And if you’re lucky enough to come across sour cherries this summer, be sure to try the pie. Even if you don’t want to bother with a lattice crust, a two-crust summer fruit pie (try it with blackberries or raspberries) is hard to beat.

Q. I’ve just started Michael Pollan’s Cooked, and I’m so struck by his writing in the first chapter about the importance of preparing food for yourself and those you loved. I felt like he was channeling GK Chesterton (or Robin Davis 😉 ) about the spiritual import of food and eating, more so than in his earlier books. Do you think the wider culture is more tuned into the spiritual aspects of food these days?

I do. The pendulum of food continues to swing away from fast and convenient to mindful. Before we even cook, we go to great lengths to know where our food comes from and who is producing it. We care about the larger picture of the planet because we’re all part of a community. Even for those who don’t call it spiritual or religious recognize the wholeness of feeding oneself and others.

Q. Because I’m active online, everywhere I look I seem to see so many nutritional “you-must-eat -this-way” plans out there, like paleo, vegan, real food, etc. Your thoughts on this trend, and how as Catholics we might approach this?

I believe each body is individual and responds differently to different foods and food groups. And I respect people who choose not to eat animal products because of moral convictions or push themselves to eat locally-grown produce and meats to support the local economy.

However, I grow concerned when I see people continuing to look for a magic pill of dieting or nutrition. We cut out entire food groups in the hopes of . . . what? Thinness? Health? Youth? As Catholics (as humans, really), we’re stewards of this planet. I think we do best when we choose foods grown in sustainable, humane ways that support the people who grow them.

And I think eating together – whatever you decide to eat – goes a long way in peace and understanding.

Q. You’ve been a Catholic convert now for some years. How do you find your faith changing over the years, and do you have a favorite prayer or way to pray?

My faith is less compartmentalized these days. It’s not just Sunday Mass or even grace before meals but kind of this more constant awareness of God’s presence. My prayers used to be what I called a wish list: things I wanted or needed from God. Now I try to give thanks for all the things for which I’m grateful.

And more recently, I try to silently just listen for God, to stop praying words at all, but I admit that’s really hard.

Q. Finally, I noticed among your other books is Graeter’s Ice Cream: An Irresistible History. Since I have family in Columbus (one of the few places that have Graeter’s ice cream stores) I have to ask: what is your favorite flavor?

Black cherry! Personally, I prefer the kind without chocolate chips, but I appreciate the company’s unique way of using chocolate in its chips flavors. Graeter’s is still one of my favorite places to go for ice cream.

Meet a Reader: Liesa Canino Dugan

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I’m delighted to share the book loves of Liesa Dugan’s, this month’s “Reader” in The Catholic Post. She’s a fellow mom of teens and a fellow coffee lover.  I think the two must be connected, no?  I first met Liesa at the Catholic Press Association Midwest Meeting (I wrote about my experience there–you can click here to read that story).   At CPA Midwest, I really enjoyed Liesa’s comments during a breakout session, and I’ve been glad to get get to know her a little better these past few months.  Thanks, Liesa!

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How you know me:

I am a long-time transplant to Peoria from the Chicago suburbs.  My husband Jim and I started our lives here in Peoria over 20 years ago: two of our three daughters were born here.

We’ve left Peoria twice, moving to South Bend, IN for five years and Beijing, China for a year; only to return to our adopted home of central Illinois.

I’ve spent a good part of my motherhood involved with the Elizabeth Ministry in three different parishes, most recently at our current parish, St. Jude in Peoria. The group continues to thrive and serve young moms in our parish today, thanks to the dedication and love of many of its members and newest leader, Anne Conway-Whitmore.

Most recently, I assisted renewed Catholic Charities in the Diocese of Peoria with their communications plan.

Why I love reading:

Growth, depth, knowledge, understanding, humor and comfort – I absorb all those gifts from the books I choose to read.  I have to admit, I am a very picky reader. I cannot count the number of books I’ve picked up, read a few pages and then abandoned. I really have to be grabbed by the content and the writer’s voice to stay motivated to keep turning the pages.

What I am reading now:

Becoming Catholic, Again: Connecting the Faith We Were Taught with the Faith We Live By Catherine Wiecher Brunell. Wow, it’s like the author and I went through a part of childhood together.

Sometimes I find books written by a person with their own faith story a little simplistic, but I was thrilled that Brunell managed to grab me with this story of an ‘everyday mom’.  The depths of her writing about faith and spiritual awareness through her everyday living is similar to looking into the drop of the Grand Canyon!

She has clearly spent many hours of reflection and prayer before deciding to write this book about it.  Her writing also appeals to me because you can choose to hop around the book, not be bound to reading cover to cover.  This gives the reader the opportunity to discover and digest what might be thought-provoking to them at that moment.

My favorite book:

‘Tis by Frank McCourt. Most know him as the author of 
Angela’s Ashes, but I fell in love with McCourt tucked in the pages of ‘Tis. The book started out with Frank entering this country as a young adult and the life he built upon his childhood struggles.

Even though most people know McCourt’s more famous work Angela’s Ashes, I have never read it. I tried to, but once I read this autobiography and learned how he moved past the childhood struggles of Ireland, I couldn’t ‘go back there’.   Just as I suppose, neither could he.

This book was responsible for giving me a passion and appreciation for well-written, challenging books at an adult level. It also challenged my Catholic faith which inspired me to explore it!

Looking for Good Mother’s Day or Father’s Day Gifts?

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Here’s my column that appears in this weekend’s print edition of The Catholic Post.

With Mother’s Day right around the corner, and Father’s Day not too far behind, here are two “outside the box” books to consider as gift ideas for the special women and men in your life.

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First is A Season of Mystery: 10 Spiritual Practices for Embracing a Happier Second Half of Life by Paula Huston.

This might not be ideal for a young parent of small children, but at the same time it’s not only for your grandparents or great-grandparents. I’m solidly in middle age, and I found this book both challenging and uplifting, a spiritual resting place in my busy life. I also found it provides encouragement to keep an eye on the real future of life after death, and what that means for my life now.

I struggle with how to characterize A Season of Mystery.

Is it a memoir? Not strictly—Huston does reflect on her journey so far, but brings in so much more.

Is it a how-to of getting older? Well, sort of–and yet there’s so much wisdom in unpacking the stages of later life.

Huston offers 10 time-honored spiritual ways (from listening to accepting to blessing, and mroe) that people through history have embraced, instead of fighting against, getting older and what that means.

Mostly, A Season of Mystery offers space for reflection on life’s later stages. Let me share three elements that make this book golden:

*the lovingly stories of Huston’s family and dear ones, and those she knows, and how they exhibit grace (or not) in later life. Her mother moves from the family home to a senior community and befriends others. A beloved monastic friend faces illness and helplessness, and learns to accept help gracefully. A neighbor faces death with honesty and beauty.

*stories and wisdom from little-known (to me) saints and spiritual writers such as Evagrius and St. Seraphim of Sarov about growth in the spiritual life. There are so many nuggets for pondering, I found myself actually annoyed by how often I wanted to write down a quote or concept.

*Huston’s own reflective and open way of writing about her history, her failings and how she seeks to grow in her second half of life.

Very different, and very enjoyable (especially for moms), is Recipe for Joy: A Stepmom’s Story of Finding Faith, Following Love, and Feeding a Family by Robin Davis.

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This book is Davis’ honest and uplifting memoir of faith & family. She vows to never move back to her home state of Ohio, never get married, and never join an organized religion. She does all three, and adds in three children, when she marries a widower after moving back to, yes, Ohio.

Each chapter of Recipe for Joy is a meal course, from The Toast to The Dessert, and the writing of a particular chapter reflects the theme. In “The Soup,” for instance, she writes of the struggles of blending into her new family. In “The Bread,” she writes honestly about her struggles with depression and not-fitting-in among the other “real moms” since she is a stepmom and a working mom among stay-at-home moms.

At the end of each chapter, there’s a tasty recipe. Because the recipes are elegant but fairly simple, I felt confident to try (so far) the the prosciutto-wrapped asparagus. It was delicious, and I’ve bookmarked most of the others.

But consider the recipes a bonus treat.

What’s really best about Recipe For Joy is the nourishment of a well-told story, how Davis weaves together family and candor in sharing her struggles as a wife, stepmom, and fledgling Catholic. You’ll come away from “Recipe for Joy” perhaps ready to try a few new recipes. But better, you’ll find yourself spiritually fed and encouraged in your Catholic faith.

Meet a Reader: Dr. Ray Ramirez, DVM

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Christsmas_2012_natalie-rachel-mary-elyse-therese (3)How you know me:

I am a veterinarian and owner of Lakeview Vet Clinic in East Peoria. I am also a part-time Lighthouse Catholic Media account manager. My, wife Kelly and I have five daughters, and we are members of St. Monica parish in East Peoria.

Why I love reading:

I must confess–I do a lot of reading for my profession, but until recently, I did not read much about my Catholic faith.

This changed several years ago when I discovered Lighthouse Catholic Media CDs in a parish I was visiting. That has allowed me to discover a wealth of Catholic authors. Since then, upon hearing an inspiring Catholic speaker either in person, on the radio, or on a CD,  I want to learn more about their thoughts and insights on our Catholic faith.

So, I pick up the book.  I can then continue to ‘hear’ their excitement in their books, and this gets me inspired to learn more.

What I’m reading now:  I just finished reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  I am amazed at how relevant this book is since it was written in 1936.  I find it very helpful as I strive not to argue, but to win souls for Christ.  As Venerable Archbishop Sheen said: “Win an argument, lose a soul.”

I am also re-reading Man and woman, He Created Them by Blessed John Paul II.  These are the 126 audiences that Pope John Paul II gave on what is now known as the “Theology of the Body.”  This reflection has greatly improved my understanding of my vocation as a man and husband, and how to view women – not as society wants or propagandizes, but as God does.

I’m also reading Michael Hyatt’s Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World.  This is interesting in the way to use the ‘get noticed’ concept and apply this to our faith. I have found myself searching for ‘best practices’ for business and have been very pleasantly surprised at how this can apply to our evangelization efforts as well.

My favorite books:

My favorite book is The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell.   I was no used to reading non-medical literature, or even faith books, when I listened to this audiobook back in 2004.  Listening to the author read the book,  opened my eyes to how I should use my gifts in a better way as a leader in my family, in our community, and in our parish.  I was convicted and realized I needed a lot of reshaping of my personal mannerisms and techniques.  This book is a must read or listen for anyone who has to make a decision at home, church or work, in my opinion.

Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West is also another favorite. This book helped me to see our bodies as God intended.  This book is a very easy read and I highly recommend it.

A Catholic Vision of Hope and Healing for Depression

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Following is my column that appears in this week’s print edition of The Catholic Post.  I invite your feedback here.

One of the perks of writing a monthly column is getting invited to speak occasionally to local groups about books and our Catholic faith.

(I “might” consider getting sometimes recognized at the post office as “that lady who writes about books,” but this is usually when I’m not looking my best, so no counting that. But I digress.)

Giving talks lets me hear from others about their favorite books, as well gives me valuable feedback about what’s popular or resonant here. Several recent encounters left me realizing that reviews touching on mental health issues have been much-needed and welcome.

So this month I’ll focus on several books–primarily one new book–in this area.

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The Catholic Guide to Depression: How the Saints, the Sacraments and Psychiatry Can Help You Break Its Grip and Find Happiness Again by Aaron Kheriaty, MD, with Fr. John Cihak, STD is comprehensive, compassionate and Catholic. I highly recommended it.

The Catholic Guide to Depression is a sensible, well-thought-out book that covers a range of issues and concerns, from medication and lifestyle options; how psychological health can affect one’s spiritual life; therapy’s benefits and limits; and much, much more.

While excellent in every way, this book can seem a bit academic in some stretches, but interested readers should persist, as there is a wealth of powerful stories, strategies, and help offered in its pages.

I’ve written before about how certain topics are best handled by experts rather than those who consider themselves experts because they’ve read some church documents or read up on a particular issue or theological area. Surely mental health constitutes one such topic since there is so much conflicting information floating around in books, on the Internet, or even a tendency from some well-meaning Catholics to strictly “spiritualize” mental health issues.

In The Catholic Guide to Depression, author Dr. Kheriaty is an expert, being both a practicing Catholic and father to five, a psychiatrist and professor at University of California-Urvine, and co-chair in the school’s medical ethics program. He writes both compassionately and authoritatively here.

The end of the book includes a beautiful short section of “prayers in distress” from such saints as St. Benedict Joseph Labre, who suffered from mental illness throughout his life; and an address by Blessed John Paul II on the theme of depression. “

The Catholic Guide to Depression is new, but there are other resources that can be beneficial:

images-16*Surviving Depression: A Catholic Approach by Pauline Sister Kathryn J. Hermes, is a often-recommended book, and was reprinted and expanded last year. The most compelling aspect for readers is that Sister Kathryn herself has struggled off and on throughout her life with depression.

As a result, she writes in a loving and knowing way about getting assistance and living out one’s Catholic faith when suffering. Surviving Depression also offers a separately available journal and prayer book.

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*Fr. Benedict Groeschel’s Arise from Darkness: What to Do When Life Doesn’t Make Sense, is a classic work about suffering, grace and the life of faith. Fr. Groeschel writes not just from a spiritual perspective, but from one trained as a counselor, in a meditative and prayerful way about living with the reality of suffering and loss.

*For a much more personal story, consider Beyond Blue, Therese Borchard’s excellent memoir of her struggle with depression and mental health issues. I reviewed the book when it came out several years ago (and you can read that here), and as I shared, it’s well-written and at the same time often hard to read.

Borchard shares low points that include two hospitalizations, dozens of drug combinations, bad physicians, and suicide plans.

So why read this book?  To quote Borchard, “anyone who struggles with anxiety or depression—even in the slightest way—might find a companion in me, some consolation in the incredibly personal details of my story, and a bit of hope to lighten an often dark and lonely path.” For those on “that dark and lonely path”, there is healing and hope.

It’s my sincere hope that one or more of these books can offer that to readers.