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The Big Purse Dump

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Second in my 7 posts in 7 days. 

I normally don’t do many link-ups, but this week I’m making an exception because I’m trying to do Jen Fulwiler’s 7 posts in 7 days, and I thought this would be a fun mix-up.  So plan on a lot of link-ups this week, but no guarantees about the future.

Kendra from Catholic All Year will be at the Behold Conference this weekend, and in her honor, I thought I would join in on her “Big Purse Dump.”

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So, I know Kendra specified “purse-droppers” weren’t supposed to clean out their purses, but one habit I learned from FlyLady, and one of the ones I’m actually pretty good at, is cleaning out my purse each Friday.  I don’t think that counts as cheating, since I haven’t cleaned out my purse since learning about  her link-up when reading about it at Bonnie’s blog early this morning, but maybe the powers that be can weigh in on that.

Two other ways I might that I “cheated,” but I don’t think so:

*I have not just a purse but a small tote bag I carry some days.

*I cleaned out used kleenexes before I snapped the photos.

Around Christmastime, I took my older teen to Macy’s to use up a cousin-gifted gift card.  I rarely go to Macy’s, and there were huge sales on purses, so I thought I would look at them. I found not one but two purses, and one was this Fossil  striped tote that I really love. We happened to run into a friend who does often shop at Macy’s, and she let me use her “frequent shopper” discount card or something like that, and so with the sale prices and that both purses together ended up being less than $30. I love a bargain!

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I’ve always been a “big purse” carrier, and stow tons of stuff in it—I always would joke with friends that I could go on the 1970s version of “The Price is Right” and Monty Hall would say, “I’ll give you $50 for every safety-pin you’ve got in there!” and I would make tons of money. Does anyone even know about The Price is Right any more? This was summer early morning watching when I was in grade school, along with Schoolhouse Rock, on actual TV, just in case you were wondering.

But I am glad that I got the smaller purse, because it allows me to have a basic bag, and also pare down things I carry every day.  I carry the tote only when I need to, like this morning when taking kids to the dentist and might have a few minutes to myself.

[Random aside: Notice the stack of Mini Weapons of Mass Destruction
books towards the back of the table when I snapped this photo. This book series (we have 1, 2 and 3 from the library right now) is a huge, huge hit at our house at the moment, and the cardboard box there contains the supplies to make penny bombs, mechanical pencil shooters and other boy-crafty items. Super fun.]

Now, here is what is in the purse.  I’m only putting up one photo, that contains only half the items.  The other photo looked a bit like it had too much info from the inside of my checkbook and wallets, and I’m just leaving that out:

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*black small bag with lipstick, aquafor, not one but three floss containers, nail clippers, etc.

*wallet not at all organized stuffed with receipts, cards, etc. Also, checkbook.

*deck of cards. I love playing cards, whether solitaire or a quick game of rummy while we are waiting somewhere. Call me crazy. I actually have a bit of a collection of playing cards, many from airlines back when airlines used to give you free playing cards if you asked. I have Northwest Airlines and Eastern Airlines, to show you how long ago it was. My current purse deck came from the Catholic school attended by some of our cousins.

*random receipts, gift card, rainbow loom thing made by somewhere along the way, hand sanitizer in a ziplock. That’s kind of an interesting story. Once a hand sanitizer opened in my purse and got all over the place. Since then I’ve kept in a ziplock, just so you know.

*seven writing implements. I love sharpies especially, and I think five of the seven are fine sharpies.

*two fresh kleenex packets.

*mini first-aid kit made by my 13-year-old for me.

*stevia packet, Kind bar, two packages of my favorite gum, Trident Vitality.

not shown: my iPhone, which carries so much of the weight of things (literally and figuratively).

I didn’t take a photo of the contents of the tote bag, since I don’t carry it every day. I did happen to take it with me today when I took kids to the dentist. I normally put my laptop, but additionally this morning it included:

*trader Joe’s chocolate
*random coupons
*another kleenex packet.
*several review books—I usually have two or three in there to skim or read during school pick-up or other random times.  Right now there are two in there: Embracing Edith Stein, I’m taking a lot of notes on that one; and Faces from Dante’s Inferno. I just need to begin that one, but I feel daunted.
*a clipboard with random things attached—to do lists, scheduling. Trying to be organized…
*in an inside pocket, two shells from our January florida trip.  A really happy memory on a cold day here.

My thoughts:

*It’s my favorite thing in here: not pictured, my iPhone. Just this morning, I was able to use it to make future dentist appointment, boy haircut appointment, consult my list at Lowe’s, Target and Sam’s Club, and make several phone calls & many texts, and skim the New York Times (none while driving, naturally).  In addition, the kids & I were able to do the readings from Mass (via Universalis) and do a little lectio divina on that, as well as finish listening to the audiobook of The Story of My Life by Helen Keller.

*Wow, I really have a lot of those: pens.  I can never find one when I need it, and yet there were seven.  Why?   This would also be in the category, I’ve been looking for those.

*Huh, that should be in there:   need to eat up the chocolate before Lent begins next Wednesday.

*finally: where are the holy cards and rosaries? I usually have a few here, but for some reason not at all, in either bag. I do have a rosary app, novena apps, etc., on my iPhone, but I’m usually not without analog items.

That was a lot of fun to do.   I might even try on Thursday to do a first-ever for me,  a phfr (pretty, happy, funny, real) from Like Mother, Like Daughter, in honor of Dierdre Folley being at Behold as well.  We shall see…

Thank you to Kendra, for hosting this, and I look forward to meeting you at Behold this weekend!

February: Pursue Happiness

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Tonight is the night I’m giving the talk to the First Saturday group at St. Philomena.  This was rescheduled from January because last month was cancelled due to snow.   We currently have snow coming down (and earlier today, a Winter Weather Advisory), but we are Midwesterners, not Atlantans (sorry, Georgians), and so the talk is going on as planned.

Last month, I posted the January book, quote and “concept” (Be Yourself) and you can read that here.  For the sake of continuity, I’m going to  post the February books, concept and quote here.  Then as a separate post (I’ll give out the link tonight) list the books for the rest of the year.  Each month, I’ll have a dedicated post on that theme.

I’d love your feedback here as well, especially those who told me they couldn’t attend.  Thanks to Marie and the rest of the First Saturday team for inviting me!

February: Pursue Happiness

Just a few of the happiness books I like:

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Here’s the five-year sentence-a-day journal.
Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness

Quirky side note about Lyubomirsky’s book: I own the hardback of this, and on the front is a cherry pie.  The paperback version appears to show a lemon meringue pie. Meaning? I know not what, but I find it interesting.

Lucy Maud Montgomery’s Rilla of Ingleside

Quote (from Rilla of Ingleside)

“Now we won’t be sober any more. We’ll look beyond the years—to the time when the war will be over and Jem and Jerry and I will come marching home and we’ll all be happy again.”

“We won’t be—happy—in the same way,” said Rilla.

“No, not in the same way. Nobody whom this war has touched will ever be happy again in quite the same way. But it will be a better happiness, I think, little sister—a happiness we’ve earned. We were very happy before the war, weren’t we? With a home like Ingleside, and a father and mother like ours we couldn’t help being happy. But that happiness was a gift from life and love; it wasn’t really ours—life could take it back at any time. It can never take away the happiness we win for ourselves in the way of duty.”

How do you intend to pursue happiness (and therefore holiness) this month? 

Scripture take-away:  “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” –Matthew 5:3

2013 Reading Catholic Book Survey

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At the end of last year,  I shared a self-survey of my favorite review books from 2012, and a look ahead to how I hoped to accomplish more in the new year, reading-wise.

I’ve noticed various people have posts and link-ups for topics along these lines, and I hope to link up with those after the fact, but first I’m going to share.  In a separate post (because this was getting way too long),  I also plan to review my 2013 resolutions and see how I did, and share some 2014 resolutions for Reading Catholic.

So, without further ado, here is my 2013 Book Survey. I’d love to hear your favorite books of 2013, and what you hope to accomplish, reading-wise, in 2014. Happy reading!

What was the most important/best book that you read this year?

Easily, that would be Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus by Sherry Weddell.  I need to re-read this book every year, and share it with more people than I’ve already shared it with.

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What books were most spiritually fruitful for you this year?

Again I want to say Forming Intentional Disciples, but as I look over my 2013 reviewed books here I see that  A Season of Mystery: 10 Spiritual Practices for Embracing a Happier Second Half of Life by Patricia Huston affected me powerfully.  While I reviewed it in May, I read it during Lent and found it so nourishing.

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I also found The Miracle of Father Kapaun  to be a powerful, powerful read, and I have been asking his intercession for a  private intention; I invite you to join me.  I also remember as I write this that I resolved to give this book to a neighbor who is also a Korean War veteran, and I have not done that yet.  Oy vey.

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What were your most enjoyable books to review and/or read this year?

I’m going to limit myself with books I reviewed for The Catholic Post for this question, because it would be too hard otherwise.

I laughed a lot reading Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan, but I found The Ear of the Heart (and contrasting it to Lean In) to be a great read, and fun to write about, especially contrasting it to Lean In.

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I also not only enjoyed reading and reviewing  Robin Davis’ Recipe for Joy, I truly loved getting to meet Robin in person in November.  One of my sisters and I talked her ear off on a long cold walk when our family went to Ohio in November, and we had a great coffee to warm up afterwards.   Here’s a photo of that visit.

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What was the favorite book you read (or re-read) this year?

I’m including all books I read this year.

I read Emma with a book group this year and loved it (again).  Now I’m re-reading Persuasion and loving that.   I’ve decided in the last few years that I pretty much have to pick up a new Jane Austen when I finish re-reading one.   Always have a Jane Austen going, that’s one of my life mottos.

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Reading The Royal Ranger, the last (sniff!) of the Ranger’s Apprentice series by John Flanagan, at roughly the same time as my three  children was bittersweet and wonderful.  Why can’t you write more, Mr. Flanagan, oh why?

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How did you do with your resolutions for 2013, and what are your resolutions for 2014? 

That’s coming tomorrow in a separate post.

What were your favorite books of 2013?

(Update: I linked up this post to Modern Mrs. Darcy’s  “Your Favorite Books of 2013” link-up.)

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The Catholic Family Traveler: Washington, D.C.

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In the last few weeks, three different mom friends have asked for some ideas about what to see and do in the DC area, as their families are trekking there this summer. So I’m putting on my thinking cap to offer some quick ideas.

DC is a great travel destination. My husband and I met and married in Washington, DC; I worked there for quite a few years; and I still have a sister who lives there.  So I do know my way around the town a bit.

What’s so great about DC and the surrounding area?

First, most of the attractions and museums are free, so you can easily pop into things without much commitment.

Second, it is such a great walking (and bicycling) city. There’s so much to do and see outside, and one of the best ways to see the city is to walk from one destination to another.

Third, DC has a lot of fun food choices, from ethnic to American. I’m not a gourmet, and these people are traveling with families, so I’m suggesting fun and family-friendly ideas.  Since we live in a small town, eating out for us is a fun part of traveling.

First, let’s get to some of the attractions that are worthwhile seeing: Monuments. A day, or part of a day, is worthwhile to visit the monuments at one end of the National Mall.

When I took the kids to DC for a family graduation several years ago, we took an afternoon to do a “speed walking tour” (we had somewhere to be)  from the Lincoln Memorial and onto the monuments surrounding the Reflecting Pool. Here is the map of those monuments:

DC Monuments Final
This route covers a little more than two miles.

Museums. Another day (or more) could be taken with visiting some or all of the museums/attractions on this side of the Mall. Here’s a Google map of some of those sites that I think are worth seeing:

Museums walk final
This covers close to 2.5 miles.

I added the Old Post Office onto this map as it offers a food court. I think the one at Union Station is better, and also offers real sit-down restaurants as well, but I’ve added that onto the map for Capitol Hill sites.

The following map is somewhat more nostalgic one for me, as it goes near my old neighborhood, the Church in which my husband and I were married, and a favorite casual restaurant we enjoyed, Le Bon Cafe.

Capitol Hill walk

One other site that is important to see and well worth the short drive from the Capitol, is the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception  It’s worth trying to catch a daily Mass there, and then visiting the chapels to Our Lady throughout the Shrine. The one to Our Lady of Guadalupe is one of my favorites.

The bookshops/gift shops in the Shrine are really well-stocked, too. just right behind it is the John Paul II Cultural Center. I haven’t been there in years, so I’m not sure what is offered there, but it’s just a short walk from the Shrine, so if time permits it’s worth popping in. In the CUA/Shrine area, the student center at CUA called “The Pryz” has good and inexpensive eats.

Outside of DC, friends who are still local mentioned that the Air & Space Museum at Dulles is excellent:

Family members really enjoy running or hiking along the C&O Canal.

I love seeing Mount Vernon all times of the year. It’s not free but beautiful. I spent many Saturdays riding my bike from my Capitol Hill apartment to Mount Vernon, along the bike trail that runs along the Potomac.

Here’s what I do with a little extra time in the DC area: I am completely enamored of the idea of big city bike shares.  This is a program where bikes are available nearly free at many sites throughout a city.  There’s usually a small fee, like $6, to join the program for a day (or a year, if you live there), and then you can take a bike out whenever you want.

I first saw a bike share program in London when we were there in 2010, and when we saw them in Minneapolis on our Betsy-Tacy pilgrimage last year, I vowed the next time we went there, we would bring helmets and get these bikes for an afternoon or a whole day.

It turns out DC has a bike share program. If I were going this summer, I might try to bring along helmets and figure a way to do a ride, maybe along the Alexandria to Mount Vernon trail.

As far as eats outside DC, I have several fun suggestions, but they are more based on my time in DC many moons ago than anything current.

Arlington, VA, is known for ethnic eateries, and I have three ideas. I’m willing to be corrected or amended here, so comment away.

First, Vietnamese. My husband and I had our first date at a Vietnamese restaurant in Arlington, VA, called Cafe Dalat. But that no longer exists. Sad! I found one called Minh Restaurant. The reason Vietnamese was good in Arlington is there is a significant immigrant community; I hope that’s still the case.

The other kind of food is Peruvian chicken, a special kind of rotisserie chicken that is popular with Peruvian immigrants. El Pollo Rico is the classic version, and it’s excellent and served really simply.    I’m not a fan of Anthony Bourdain, but the video on their website shows how yummy the food is.

This is not exactly ethnic, but rather true blue DC in my mind: Red, Hot & Blue. We like to stop at the one in Annapolis sometimes on our way back from the beach. There are various locations.

Where to stay in DC? That’s for another post, but our family has stayed successfully here since we have family living very nearby.  One set of friends will be staying here . I think this property that is a great location, and Springhill Suites has been renovating its hotels beautifully lately.  If we didn’t have family up in the Northwest DC/Maryland area, I’d definitely try that one next time.

I have some ideas in my mind of books about DC and environs, but that will have to wait for another time.

Do you have any ideas for DC must-see attractions, must-do activities, or must-eat food?

Savoiardi and Prayer for St. Joseph’s Day

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We love St. Joseph’s feast day at our house. My husband is a Joseph, and so is our 9-year-old son.  My father and my father-in-law, both now deceased, were also named Joseph.

This year is especially wonderful as we celebrate the installation of Pope Francis.

We are Italian, and my husband is Sicilian, so we have double or triple or I don’t know how many reasons to celebrate today.

Most years, my husband has made a St. Joseph’s treat called “savoiardi” from a recipe from this dog-eared paperback cookbook he’s had since his 20s.

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A few times, like this year, his work schedule has not allowed him to make them.   So yesterday my 12-year-old and I got out the book (gingerly! I want to say, so it won’t fall apart, but the book has already fallen apart and is held together by rubber bands) and made them.

I am always a bit apprehensive to make savoiardi, because while it is a simple recipe,  forming them is a little tricky.  I also want them to taste good for my Josephs.  Fortunately, we did a good job, and they were pronounced terrific.  My husband especially enjoys dunking them in coffee.  Here’s the finished product:

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Savoiardi are basically homemade ladyfingers.  As you can see here, my handiwork is not perfectly straight “fingers” (and they really did spread a lot more than I remembered, so I could have made them smaller).

Ladyfingers are great for making tiramasu, something I have done in the past but not this year.  Almond extract is the only “exotic” ingredient in the cookies, and if you’re looking for a neat treat to make today, here is the recipe:

IMG_3182Well, that may be a little hard to read, even if you enlarge the photo.  Also, the recipe is written in a not super-clear format (“bake in a medium oven”).  Here is my “translation” of the recipe:

Savoiardi (Lady Fingers)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a medium-sized bowl, place:

4 eggs

1 cup sugar

1 Tablespoon almond extract

Beat sugar, eggs and almond extract until thoroughly blended and cream-colored.

In a separate bowl, mix dry ingredients:

2 cups sifted flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

pinch of salt

stir dry ingredients slowly into egg mixture.

Beat with an electric mixer under a smooth, creamy consistency is reached. Drop batter by spoonfuls onto parchment-lined baking sheets, shaping it about 3 inches long and 1 inch wide.  (they will spread so leave plenty of room between the cookies)

Bake at 350@ for approximately 10 minutes or until light golden brown.

Finally, I want to share the ancient prayer to St. Joseph for a happy death.  St. Joseph is the patron of a happy death (though he’s patron of much more, including the universal church, fathers, and pastry-makers).  My own beloved father died four years ago today, and since I was there I know that it was peaceful and quite beautiful.  I still miss him very much, but I’m so grateful to have had this prayer to pray at that time, and every day.

O St. Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in thee all my interests and desires. O St. Joseph, assist me by thy powerful intercession and obtain for me all spiritual blessings through thy foster Son, Jesus Christ Our Lord, so that, having engaged here below thy heavenly power, I may offer thee my thanksgiving and homage.

O St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating thee and Jesus asleep in thine arms. I dare not approach while He reposes near thy heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath.

St. Joseph, patron of departing souls, pray for me.

What are you doing to celebrate St. Joseph’s Day today?

Habemus Papam Randomness

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Just sharing here some random thoughts about our new Holy Father, Pope Francis:

1.  I love you, Catholic Memes. 

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2.  I misspelled “Habemus Papam” all yesterday, which I find hilarious.  I am the one laughing at other people’s grammar and spelling errors usually (their/there and your/you’re used incorrectly drive me crazy), and here I was hashtagging #habemuspapem all.day.long.  My 12-year-old made an iDoodle for my phone that read:

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It’s the wallpaper on the phone now, and I was “this” close to correcting her spelling (to “habemus papem,” natch).  But I didn’t because I didn’t want to spoil in any way her enjoyment of the day.  And here I was, tweeting and Facebook posting it wrong for literally hours, not even noticing that the Vatican website was different than my spelling.  When I discovered my mistake this morning, I was glad that no one had corrected me, either.  Habemus Papam!

3.  CNN’s coverage of the papal election was surprisingly good and balanced.  I am not just saying this because Wolf Blitzer looks like my husband. They had an extended long interview with Fr. Thomas Rosica, CEO of the Canadian Salt+Light Television network, and I was riveted to his words, and DVRd it so my husband (cuter than Wolf Blitzer) could watch when he got home.

4.  We took a break from Lent yesterday; how could you not?

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Much dark chocolate was consumed at our house last night.  When the white smoke began, the younger kids and I were actually just arriving at a homeschool bowling event.   My husband called us (he had been at home having lunch at home after a meeting between home and work, so stayed for the announcement), so  we scratched bowling and came home right away.  I also invited a mom & son at bowling who live nearby to join us when they finished bowling.

After they arrived and we were watching, I immediately brought out candy for the kids to enjoy (and dark chocolate for my husband, the other mom and me), and the boy said, “I can’t, I gave up candy for Lent.”  I said, “So did I, but not today!  We have to celebrate!” as I popped a Dove promise into my mouth.  So he happily enjoyed some candy (after some arm-twisting gentle persuasion of our nine-year-old to share from his hoard).

5.  One of the greatest things about this is celebrating with my family.  I love that my kids are older and can really join in.  (though my two older children remember) than they did the last time a Holy Father was elected.  I love that we can celebrate with food and drink, because we are Catholic and that’s what we do!

For dinner, I went out to get a small steak for us to share (Argentina=beef) along with rice and veggies, and I opened a bottle of red wine for hubby and me (Sicilian, not Argentinian).  My husband had some wine but not the steak because he fasts from meat on Wednesday and Friday, but he did enjoy some wine.  I was going to make a caramel sauce (dulce de leche) to go over ice cream, but didn’t get to that.

6.  Social media is AWESOME! I cannot say how joyful it was to be tweeting and Facebook posting with others, and sharing photos and memes and quotes.

What moved me most was two non-Catholic friends who shared on my Facebook page greetings and congratulations on the election of the Holy Father, and how they enjoyed getting to “share” it with me.  It was so kind of them to reach out in friendship at this special time.

7.  Plenary Indulgence. After the blessing Pope Francis gave (and after he asked for a blessing from us–beautiful!), my (mandatum-carrying theologian) husband informed me that it comes with a plenary indulgence.   He said since I had gone to confession on Tuesday, I was good for this indulgence, and so were the kids, who had gone with me.  Super awesome!  So I tweeted:

“My theologian hubby tells me since I went to confession Tue, I am good 4 plenary indulgence given by Francis. U have 2 wks. Go 4 it, peeps!”

I put a similar post on Facebook, and a non-Catholic friend asked after many Catholic comments of woot and so forth, “alright, for non-Catholics, what is a plenary indulgence?”

Aggie Catholics has a good explanation of indulgences here, which I shared on Facebook.   I knew I couldn’t do a good job explaining it easily in a comment, but I also had a nagging feeling I should say something personal to explain this admittedly quirky part of the Catholic faith.

I woke up extremely early this morning because, hey, I’m that age where early waking is fairly common.  And one of the first thoughts in my mind was the following idea of a plenary indulgence, that just popped into my head–I wasn’t even thinking about the question. It felt like an inspiration of the Holy Spirit to me, but I’m sure there are all sorts of theological “issues” with it, which is why I’m not vetting it with the theologian husband.

And so I wrote back to her on Facebook this morning:

“A plenary indulgence is like this: You’re on the shore of an ocean of mercy, and your mom is in the water saying, ‘Come on in, it’s great!’ And you say, ‘Really?’ because you’re kind of skeptical but you dunk under anyway and come up and say, Wow, that’s refreshing!’

I’m happy to be corrected by theologians far and near, but I still smile when I read that.

8. Interested in learning about Argentinian saints?

One of my March books for The Catholic Post includes Radiate: More Stories of Daring Teen Saints.

Author Colleen Swaim helpfully points out  on her blog (and notice that she spelled Habemus Papam correctly) that Radiate includes the stories of Argentinian saints Blessed Laura Vicuna and Blessed Ceferino Namuncurá.  Definitely worth checking it out, and stay tuned here for an author Q&A with Colleen very soon!

9.  The choice of the name Francis for the new pope is inspiring a lot of comments.  His embrace of poverty and simplicity is very humbling.   I’m pondering that a lot today and what it means for our Church.

On the lighter side, I, for one, am just glad to be 15 years ahead of the Francis/Francesca baby-naming trend, having a 15-year-old (my baby!) named Francesca.

Coincidentally, my nine-year-old informed our family several months back that he had chosen St. Francis for his confirmation name.

I recall having a conversation with my husband years ago, when I learned more about St. Francis than the usual things, and said to him something along the lines of, “Why exactly did we name our first-born after St. Francis? ”

It’s just a little worrisome to have my nine-year-old be so excited about a saint who lived a pretty radical life.   So I guess I am being given some time to get used to it, unlike St. Francis’ family.  Deep breaths here.

10.  It’s back to Lent, I noticed right away this morning.

This awesome quote from Pope Francis is Lenten food for thought:

In our ecclesiastical region there are priests who don’t baptize the children of single mothers because they weren’t conceived in the sanctity of marriage. These are today’s hypocrites. Those who clericalize the Church. Those who separate the people of God from salvation. And this poor girl who, rather than returning the child to sender, had the courage to carry it into the world, must wander from parish to parish so that it’s baptized! Jesus teaches us another way: Go out. Go out and share your testimony, go out and interact with your brothers, go out and share, go out and ask. Become the Word in body as well as spirit.

Also, the second reading from today’s Office of Readings is from St. Leo the Great.  Here’s the first great sentence, and it just gets better after this:

True reverence for the Lord’s passion means fixing the eyes of our heart on Jesus crucified and recognising in him our own humanity.

Also, I miss chocolate already!

Are you looking forward to Easter as much as I am?