Reading Catholic

Reading Catholic and catholic

Nancy Piccione

Guest Post: “A Beautiful Life Surrounded by and Knowing Nothing but Love”

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I’m humbled today to present a guest post from Teresa Lutz, a local mom, on a book I reviewed this month, Karen Edmisten’s After Miscarriage.  Here’s my review of that book.

I don’t know whether to say it was coincidental or something else that when I first received my review copy of After Miscarriage, within a few days I learned of three women in my circle of friends and acquaintances suffered stillbirths or miscarriages.  I sent each of the women copies of the book, hoping it would provide comfort and support at some point, either now or in the future. 

Teresa felt ready to share some thoughts about the book with me, and when I asked her if she would guest post about it, she readily agreed.

Teresa is wife to Mike and mom to two beautiful boys.   She is a stay at home mom and works part time as an oncology nurse.

My husband and I were very excited to learn that we would be welcoming our third child into our family.  We were shocked and heartbroken to find out at our 20-week ultrasound that our baby had a fatal neural tube defect called anencephaly.  This meant that very early in my pregnancy her skull had not formed completely and as a result, she would be born with little brain tissue.
Her life expectancy was minutes or hours, if she made it through delivery.  We decided to celebrate the gift of her life while she was still with us and spent the remainder of my pregnancy cherishing every moment.  We were blessed with 36 weeks to love and care for our daughter before she went to Heaven.  Gianna Therese was stillborn on February 19th 2012.
I found Karen Edmisten’s After Miscarriage to be comforting and practical at the same time. It gave both an insight into what other women have experienced after the loss of their babies, but also offered suggestions and information for women who may have recently gone through a miscarriage or stillbirth. The quotes, prayers and Bible passages help to provide perspective and hope to the struggles one might be facing.
I was actually surprised to find that most of the chapters made a lot of sense – I almost felt like I could have written some of them!
For instance, Edmisten even includes a passage from her journal stating that she was dreading going to the dentist and having to explain that her baby had died. I have also been dreading my upcoming dentist appointment.
It didn’t occur to me that other people had experienced those feelings of anxiety when faced with explaining to practical strangers why we are no longer pregnant, yet don’t have a baby, either.
The book was easy to read through, but isn’t one that necessarily needs to be read cover to cover. I was given a different book by my doctor which was in a similar format, but almost too lengthy. I will definitely suggest After Miscarriage to him.
Although the author does touch on both the topics of stillbirth and miscarriage, I could see how some people having gone through a late miscarriage or stillbirth might feel like it doesn’t completely apply to them, especially if they didn’t make it through the first few chapters.
Overall, I found it was a very helpful book – especially as a Catholic mother. At a time like this, it is good to read a book that provides both practical and spiritual comfort.
Nancy again here: I recalled, though I was not able to attend Gianna’s funeral, that several friends shared that the reflection shared by Teresa and her husband at the funeral was beautiful.  Teresa also agreed to share this with Catholic Post readers:
——
Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
Gianna Therese had a beautiful life surrounded by and knowing nothing but love.  She was surrounded by love in the womb and we believe was carried directly to the waiting arms of God.  We as Catholic parents, are called by our vocation of marriage, to strive above all else to work toward helping our children arrive in Heaven someday.  The Church and our faith tell us to have confidence in God’s unending love and mercy for even the littlest souls.  How can we not be filled with joy?
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” – Sam Keen
Gianna was not “perfect” in the worldly sense.  She was not meant to be with us long on this earth and we knew that from early on. Some people have thought that we carried Gianna to term because we don’t believe in abortion, because we are Catholic, or perhaps we weren’t given the option to do otherwise.  While some of these factors might have played a part in our immediate refusal to “terminate”, this is not what it is about.  It is about love!  It was about our child that was given to us as a gift to love and protect! Gianna’s life had value from the moment of conception, just as every life does.
 We do not possess more strength than other people.  It is not because we can cope where others wouldn’t. There was no way to avoid the sad fact that Gianna could not live long after birth, but causing her death earlier would not stop this from happening.  Causing her death would have only taken from us the beautiful experience of knowing and loving her and allowing others to do the same.  We wouldn’t wish away the time we had with Gianna to save us the tremendous pain of losing her.  Was it worth it?  YES!  We had the chance to hold Gianna, to see her and to love her before letting go.  Love your children, and remember that they each have their own unique mission.  Children are always and only a blessing from God – even if they don’t stay very long.
Our daughter’s short life and certain death has prompted some wonderful things.  This is our prayer as a family.  “We gladly offer our baby back to You God, and endure the sorrowful pain of missing the soul we have come to love.  If our offering prompts just one soul to grow closer to You, we offer Gianna with greater joy than the sorrow we are feeling.”
We appreciate the love, support and prayers we have received more than we can ever express with words.  We have felt peace throughout this entire journey and although we are so sad and hurting, we know we are not alone.  May God Bless you all for sharing this journey with us!

Catholic Media Promotion Day: #silenceandword

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Yesterday and today comprised the two-day Catholic Media Promotion Day(s?).  Last year I participated and listed some of my favorite online Catholic “things” like podcasts websites and other Internet sources.

Because of that, this year organizers of Catholic Media Promotion Day recommended that participants this year take a break from social media on Wednesday, May 23, then write about it on Thursday, May 24.   The hashtag to be used is #silenceandword, as a direct quote from Benedict XVI from the Holy Father’s message for World Communications Day.

That message was really about the need to balance contemplation with action related to social media use.  As Benedict XVI writes, “Word and silence: learning to communicate is learning to listen and contemplate as well as speak.” Nice!

I saw on Lisa Hendey’s CatholicMom.com site about Catholic Media Promotion Day earlier this week, and made a mental note to stay off social networks and to write today about it.  But as it turned out, that happened to be no problem.

Yesterday was the class trip for our oldest’s 8th grade class, so I was on a bus from early morning until late at night, coordinating with the coach driver and keeping head counts of fellow parents (yes, that was one of my roles!)   I didn’t feel bad being “offline” at all.  If I had thought about it, I might have checked Facebook on my phone (I need to delete and re-install mobile Twitter, as it hasn’t worked for some months, showing how often I use that on my phone), but I truly never thought of it.

It’s interesting to reflect on that, and to choose to have a day of silence, because I find myself with more silence than noise when it comes to social networks and communications.  I can go more than a day being on the computer, and even longer for checking into Facebook or Twitter. (I use TweetDeck for Twitter feeds, and lately, my laptop is running slow so I don’t often have it up).

Strangely, I find that I have lots of time for contemplation, but not as much time for speaking or engaging.  I still have early morning hours and times of quiet when I reflect, or think of things I would like to write and accomplish as I go about the busyness of life.  But even though the contemplation bears fruit in the form of ideas, getting those writing ideas actually done has been very difficult lately, because when I’ve processed it enough to get it down, it’s time to take kids somewhere, or put in another load of laundry, or go grocery shopping, or go on a field trip or ….fill in the blank of running a household and keeping kids fed, clothed and loved.  And sometimes I get to it, and sometimes I don’t.  As an example, the only reason that this post is being finished, even after day of intending to, is that a huge branch came down from a tree on the tree lawn in front of our house.  It’s blocking the road, and a city crew is here cutting it up with chainsaws, and the rest of the family is outside watching.  (I went out to snap a few photos and say hello to the police who came, and now I’m taking advantage of the quiet to finish this).

The topic then to share about was, “What in Catholic Media has had an impact on me during the past year?”  And to be honest, I have to say my shrinking time online is something that has had the greatest impact on me.  It’s not all bad, and it’s not all good.

I am trying to tweak my schedule and time management skills so that I have more time to accomplish the writing and reading that I love, and with intentionally connecting with others online, whether family members through e-mail, Facebook friends and groups, Twitter or blogging here (as I should!)  

But overall, I’ve increasingly realized that the season of my life right now is meant to be spent as much time as I would like, or feel called to–writing, or reading (sigh!), or interacting with others online–and to be at peace with it.  There will come a time when I’ll have much more leeway in my schedule to write the Great American Novel (or whatever project I’ve got in mind then), and be much more active in whatever social media looks like in the future.  But for now, it’s a lot of analog, and that’s a good thing.

How about you?  Do you find yourself connected online more than you would like, or less?  What would you change about your online engagement?

Meet a Reader: Sharon Weiss

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I‘m delighted to feature this month a longtime friend, Dr. Sharon Weiss. Many thanks, Sharon, for sharing your love of reading here!

How You Know Me:   Readers would know me because of my connection to Catholic schools.  I am celebrating my 33rd year in Catholic education where I was a French and German teacher at Academy of Our Lady/Spalding Institute.  When the schools consolidated in 1989 and became PND, I taught French, German, & Psychology and was a freshman/sophomore counselor. In 2003, I was hired as the Principal at St. Patrick School in Washington.  I thoroughly enjoy this leadership role as I am able to maintain focus on faith formation and a strong curriculum for our children and the families we serve.

My parish is St. Patrick Church in Washington, where I have been a member for 2 years.  Previouisly, I was a member of St. Peter’s Church in Peoria where I worshipped after my reception into the Catholic Faith in 1993 until I became a member of St. Pat’s.

My most cherished and primary vocation is mother and grandmother:  I have a son, David, and a grandson, Gabriel.  They are my joy!  I thank God for them each day as they are His love letter to me.

Why I love reading:


I have always loved reading!  When I am reading for enjoyment, it expands the imaginative and creative side of me.  When I read for professional development, it helps me to stay current on best practices in education in order to ensure academic excellence.  When I read for spiritual growth, it reminds me of my vocation and service to Christ and His Church.

What I’m reading now:

I have been reading The Four Teresas by Gina Loehr.  The four Teresas– Therese of Lisieux, Teresa of Avila, Teresa Benedicta of the Cross and Mother Teresa–are all beautiful examples of women who loved God with their whole hearts, minds and souls.  I read little parts of the book when I am in front of the Blessed Sacrament and ask our Lord to teach me how to imitate these holy women in my personal and professional life.

For enjoyment, I just completed The Hunger Games triology!  WOW!  I found the cultural premise of these books fascinating, and I was amazed at how many of my junior high students have read them!  I have enjoyed discussing these books with some of the students.

My favorite book:

My all-time favorite book has been and continues to be Jane Eyre.  Its theme of redemptive love is powerful and hopeful.

Book Trailer for "The Temperament God Gave Your Kids"

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I found this trailer for The Temperament God Gave Your Kids, one of the books reviewed in my Catholic Post column this month, very endearing.  Enjoy!

The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Not A Parenting Book

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Following is my monthly column that appears in the print Catholic Post.  I invite your feedback here, or elsewhere online. 


In May, I like to focus on books that could potentially make great Mother’s Day gifts.  But while I love to read all sorts of parenting books, I hesitate long and hard before recommending them.  There are just so many varied ways to be a great Catholic parent.
Fortunately, The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Motivate, Discipline and Love Your Children by Art & Laraine Bennett is not a parenting book.  Rather, it’s an explanation of the classical four temperaments, and how to work with those temperaments to have the best possible relationship with your kids, whatever your parenting style.  I truly enjoyed this book, and the Bennetts’ no-nonsense, kind approach to working with your child’s-and your own-temperament .
The Bennetts write not just as counselors, but fellow parents.  They have written two previous Temperament books, but I think this is their most mature effort.  You can easily glean your own temperament, as well as that of your loved ones, by reading this book (and taking the one-page  back-of-book temperament quiz).
Briefly, the four temperaments are: choleric (strong-willed & determined); melancholic (quiet & introspective);  sanguine (eager & sociable); and  phlegmatic (cooperative & peaceful).
When I strong-armed encouraged every member of our family to complete the quiz, I found that our temperaments were pretty much as expected.  Most helpful, though, was learning how these temperaments interact in a positive or negative way, and suggestions for a different way of looking at my role as a mom.   That means I treat a melancholic child differently than a sanguine or choleric child, all within my own parenting style.
The Bennets write: “Parents will find it far easier to help their children grown emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually when they build on their children’s natural strengths.”  Amen to that.
Once you understand your temperament and those of your kids (and spouse), you will be nodding along with the chapters describing slightly different you might want to parent, and also nodding along with their sage advice.
Those who know me are aware that when it comes to parenting/self-help books, I am a great fan of the numbers types of books—the five love languages, the seven habits of happy families, and the like.  What’s different—and better—about The Temperament book is the Bennett’s Catholic sensibility.  They promote knowing about the temperament in order to work with nature, instead of prescribing a “one size fits all” parenting philosophy.
I also especially loved the chapter “Growing in Virtue” which lists the virtues that come easy to each of the temperaments and ones that “need work.”  Having that information is so helpful in helping our children reach their full potential.

Q&A with Karen Edmisten, author of "after miscarriage"

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Thanks, Karen Edmisten, for being so open and willing to answer all my rambling questions.  You can read my review of After Miscarriage: A Catholic Woman’s Companion to Healing & Hope in this weekend’s print Catholic Post or here on the blog.
 
Q. First, can you tell us little more about yourself, your family and your writing?
I’m a former atheist (I was baptized at the age of 30 and came into the Catholic Church at age 35), a wife (my husband came into the Church five years after I did), and a  homeschooling mom of three girls. Our oldest daughter will graduate this year and my other daughters are 15 and 9. I’ve always written in one form or another, but I began writing for publication about five years after I became a Catholic. I started blogging (at Karen Edmisten) in late 2005, and my first book (The Rosary: Keeping Company With Jesus and Mary) was published in 2009. My second book (Through the Year With Mary) came out in 2010.
Q.  Why a book about miscarriage?
I’ve had five miscarriages myself, so it’s something I’ve lived, something I’ve thought a lot about. I wanted to share the things that were helpful and healing to me over the years, and I wanted to offer a specifically Catholic resource to address some of the questions and misunderstandings that I hear about the Church and miscarriage.
And, the grief I experienced through my miscarriages, while devastating at the time, ultimately helped me to grow closer to God, so I also wanted to share some of that hope and encouragement.
I also wanted to reassure others that they are not alone if they feel the grief of miscarriage deeply and for a long time. We’re often expected to “get over it” fairly quickly, and while it’s important to heal and keep moving forward, I think we are often surprised by how shaken we are by the loss.
Q.  You are very candid in the book about your own struggles through multiple miscarriages, and even share journal entries.  What gave you the courage to share this, and were you at all concerned about sharing “too much”?
I don’t really think of myself as courageous – maybe I should be concerned about sharing too much, but that doesn’t usually occur to me! It’s more a matter of thinking, “If this is helpful to someone else, then it’s worth saying.” Maybe because I was, at one time in my own life, such a questioner of all things religious, and I deeply appreciated people who were willing to share their spiritual journeys with me, that I want to do the same for others if I can.
Q.  Having lost a baby through miscarriage or stillbirth is kind of a “sisterhood” in a way.   Do you find women more willing in the age of the Internet/blogs, to share about membership in “the sisterhood” and talk about these kinds of details about their lives?  Is that a good thing or not?
I think we’ve always been willing to share and to support each other in that “sisterhood” – it just seems a natural reaction among women. But I think the age of the internet makes it much easier to find help, support, understanding – and I think that’s a great thing.
Q.  I’m not sure if this is a question or an invitation to discussion about this.  When I interviewed Amy Welborn about her book Wish You Were Here, I was thinking of, but never got to a post about, good books for kids who might be going through grieving.  So many of the books “specifically for or about grieving” left us cold when my own kids were going through the loss of both sets of grandparents in just a few short years.   
Amy had a great response that it isn’t necessarily a book about grieving that helps when you experience a loss, but everyone finds different types of books (perhaps something completely different-mysteries, for instance) /coping mechanisms that are helpful.    It may not be the right time or healing balm to read about death and dying.
And yet the experience of miscarriage/stillbirth is so intimate and unique, I think reading After Miscarriage is helpful for most women who have experienced it, whether recently or long ago.  The resources you provide to places like Elizabeth Ministry and the like are also very helpful and pertinent.  Your thoughts?
Thanks, and yes, I do hope that After Miscarriage ishelpful to women (and men) at any stage of that journey. But I agree with Amy that there are a lot of things that can be helpful that aren’t specifically about grief. Sometimes the tiniest thing was a healing gesture for me – bringing fresh-cut irises from the garden into the house.
One of my miscarriages occurred when my oldest daughter was six years old. She was devastated. I didn’t find that books about grief were all that helpful to her – what helped her the most was just my presence. She simply needed to know that I was there, that we could play Candyland, or go out for ice cream.
When I did read books about grief, they weren’t about the specific kind I was experiencing, but they were what I needed. For example, in After Miscarriage,  I quote A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, and Two-Part Invention, by Madeleine L’Engle. Both of those books deal with the loss of a spouse, and yet both were extremely helpful and meaningful to me after miscarriages, simply because they so accurately captured the state of grief itself.
Karen and I corresponded about some of the resources that are available to families undergoing a pregnancy loss.  
 
Karen Edmisten and the owner of one resource, Heaven’s Gain, will be on an “After Miscarriage” show on the Catholic Answers Live radio show on May 28th.
 
In addition, Elizabeth Ministry International has a very helpful FAQ page for families undergoing miscarriage or stillbirth.